Some nights, when you're feeling lonely, it seems like a good idea to contact your ex. Unfortunately, when you do so, you may begin to experience remorse.

Breakups are hard, but the time spent without your partner afterward can often be even harder. If you've given into the temptation of texting your ex, the following article will provide you with some tips for processing your feelings. 

9 Tips for Processing Your Feelings After Messaging Your Ex

If you’ve fallen into the trap of texting your ex after a breakup, you’re not alone. Many people go through this same issue every day, and there are ways to effectively deal with the emotions associated with texting your former partner.

Tip #1: Forgive Yourself

First and foremost, you need to accept that you are human. We all make mistakes and we all have regrets.

If you are constantly beating yourself up about texting your ex, you need to develop one or two methods for finding peace. In order to forgive yourself, you may need to try out some different techniques such as:

• Meditation or prayer. For some people, connecting with a higher power or a sense of calm can be a way to find forgiveness. However, the practice of formal meditation or prayer may not be the right choice for you, and that’s ok! You may instead decide to just try some breathing exercises to calm your thoughts or you may opt for one of the many other choices provided in this article.

• Talking to a counselor. Trained counselors or therapists are experts at helping people organize and deal with their emotions. If you’re finding that you have had a lot of trouble moving on from your ex, you may need to seek the help of a professional. There is absolutely no shame in talking to a counselor. If it’s ok to see a doctor for a physical injury, there should be no stigma about seeing a therapist for an emotional or mental injury!

• Writing in a journal. Writing your thoughts down is a great way to forgive yourself after making an error in judgment. This is especially true when it comes to emotionally charged situations such as talking to your ex. Often, writing makes it easier to express thoughts that can be very hard to deal with when spoken out loud. Best of all, no one else ever has to see your journal, if you don’t want them to!

No matter what you do, you need to find a way to forgive yourself after texting your ex. If you don’t, you’ll continue to spiral into negative emotions and unfairly blame yourself for everything that follows in your life.

Tip #2: Take Time to Reflect

The next day after contacting your ex, when the reality of your action hits you, you may feel immediate dread. However, it’s important that you take the time to think about the situation as a whole. If, for no other reason, to avoid making the same mistake again in the future.

Ask yourself, “what drove me to send that message?”

In asking such a question, you may identify some common themes such as a significant anniversary date that came up, or something you saw on TV that reminded you of them. Furthermore, this will enable you to come up with ways to avoid and/or deal with these triggers as they arise.

Without reflection and identification of why you felt compelled to text the person, you may continue to follow the same process over and over again. Don’t let it happen to you!

Tip #3: Get Some Exercise

Perhaps you’re not an exerciser. Maybe the thought of going to the gym and sweating it out makes you feel sick to your stomach. 

Lucky for you, even light or moderate exercise, such as taking a 30-minute walk can provide significant mental and physical health benefits. 

Better still, exercising can take your mind off of your current problems and allow you to come back later on with a new perspective. One of the worst ways to deal with a negative emotion or thing that has happened is to perseverate. By constantly thinking about a problem, it becomes much harder to solve.

Exercise is a free, easily accessible way to address many of the issues life throws at us. This includes feelings of regret from texting your ex.

Tip #4: Reach Out For Support

Much like talking to a counselor, discussing your feelings with a trusted family member or friend can be a great way to move on.

Of course, there are always certain family dynamics that may not lend themselves to discussions about exes or romantic relationships. For instance, you may not want to have an in-depth conversation with your mother or father about why you broke up with your ex. 

That being said, your friends and family care about you, and they want you to be happy. No matter what they may say, they’re doing their best to listen to your needs and to help you process whatever it is you’re going through. You may need to take your time with them and spell out exactly what you need, but they will always be there for you.

All of us need to talk to someone from time to time. There is nothing wrong with contacting your family member or friend for help. In fact, this act can be very liberating for many people after they’ve made the mistake of calling up their ex.

Tip #5: Address Message Fallout

Perhaps the worst thing a person can do after making a mistake is to act irresponsibly. Think back to any movie where someone tells a big lie or makes a huge error, then everything falls apart even worse when they try to cover it up.

If you sent a text to an ex that you regret, don’t make it worse by acting immaturely. Don’t call them up and blame them for your actions. Don’t yell at your friends and blame them for not stopping you.

Contacting your ex was your decision, and it’s your responsibility to fix it. Remember: there were two people in this relationship, and your ex may be hurting just as much as you are. By texting them, you can open up a whole can of worms that will lead to pain and suffering for a long time to come. 

As hard as it can be to atone for a mistake, it’s well worth it. It will give you peace of mind and help you and your former partner heal from the emotional wounds you’ve both suffered.

Tip #6: Remember Why You Broke Up

In most partnerships, there are both good and bad components. As time goes by, if the good parts of a relationship outweigh the bad parts, it may be time to take the next step, such as moving in together or getting married. On the other side of the coin, if the bad parts of a relationship seem to outweigh the good, it’s probably time to break up. 

We, as people, have a peculiar habit of only looking back on things with fond memories. A former job where we were verbally abused by our boss and paid next to nothing may seem like it was a great time in our lives once we have forgotten about all of the bad things that happened during our tenure.

Breakups are hard. No one wants to hurt someone else and leave a relationship in the hope of finding something better. If you made the decision to break up with someone, there were probably some very good reasons for why you did so.  Therefore, it can be helpful to reflect on the reasons why you broke up in the first place. Maybe you were arguing constantly, or you didn’t feel loved and safe in your home together. 

Whatever your reasons were for breaking things off with your ex, make sure you keep those in mind after you slip up and contact them. This will help to prevent you from going any further down the path of returning to a bad situation with your former partner.

Tip #7: Make a Plan 

Odds are, if you felt like contacting your ex once, you probably will again someday. Therefore, it’s a good idea to have a plan in place that will keep you from doing so.

This may include keeping your phone out of reach when you’ve been out partying. Alternatively, you may choose to have a friend to whom you are accountable that you text instead when you feel like messaging your ex.

There are tons of ways to plan for preventing this from happening again. Whichever method you choose, just be sure to develop a plan that will prevent you from slipping back into old habits!

Tip #8: Realize That True Closure is Rarely Achievable

TV shows and movies would have us believe that we can achieve neat and tidy closure at the end of a relationship. In reality, most relationships will end with unanswered questions. 

This is unfortunate, but it is an unavoidable reality. Perhaps you thought your partnership was really strong, but your counterpart ended things anyway. Maybe, after the death of a family member, your partner’s attitude changed completely and he or she wasn’t the same person as who you fell in love with.

There are tons of holes and unsatisfying endings that happen in relationships every day. Sadly, there’s no great way to get past this issue. In all likelihood, many people won’t ever get the closure they desire after a breakup.

However, you can take solace in the fact that many other people have gone through the same thing you have in the past, and many more will do so in the future. Breakups are hard. Partners lie and conceal information from each other for a multitude of reasons. The only thing you can truly control is how you react to what happens to you in life.

Don’t let the idea of closure push you towards texting your ex and trying to rekindle a relationship that was doomed to end anyway.

Tip #9: Remind Yourself How Amazing You Are

Last but certainly not least, remember that you are an incredible person who brings so much value to the world. It might feel like you need your ex to be the best version of yourself, but this is far from the truth.

You may have made a mistake in texting your ex, but it doesn’t have to define the rest of your life or even the rest of the day. 

Whether you’ve been broken up with, done the breaking up yourself, or been through both situations, your value is not diminished. Married, dating, or single, you are incredible, and you need to remember that!

Summary

No one can ever claim that breakups are easy. Both partners have to deal with complex emotions. Furthermore, when you've spent so much time with one person, everything you do reminds you of them.

For this reason, you may feel compelled to contact your ex when you're feeling particularly lonely. If you do, it's ok. Just make sure you follow the above tips so that you don't prolong your agony. You can do this!