9 Ways to Deal With Loneliness After a Break-Up

It all starts with you. Take the necessary time to breathe, turn up the music, and just be kind to yourself!

The textbook definition of loneliness is, “sadness because one has no friends or company”

Feeling lonely after a breakup is natural. However, if it becomes your natural state, it is important to do some self-reflection or seek a therapist for added help! 

Let’s dive in deep!  Today we will unpack experts' suggestions, science, and tips that have helped others who are going through these same feelings!
There are simple ways to cope that benefit you and others.  It hooks you into a positive cycle to replace the “stinkin’ thinkin’” you are probably subjecting yourself to now.

You may think taking a DIY approach to dealing with your loneliness is the last thing you need. Being MORE alone on purpose?

Experts confirm it’s the healthiest way to heal.  

The Result is Worth the Work

Following these 9 steps to deal with the post-break blues will help you become a happier version of yourself.

Cherished, nurtured, restored, protected, productive, full. These words are the opposite of being lonely.

Now breathe, read those words again, and let yourself manifest these feelings for YOU!

It’s absolutely worth the work. You are worth it.

A Short Guide to the 9 Steps:

1.Throw a  Pity Party

Loneliness isn’t a natural state for humans, it’s okay to feel devastated for a while, then the healing begins.

2.Track Your Recovery

Make appointments for yourself, with yourself.  

3.Breathe

Loneliness is extremely hard on your cardiovascular system. Doing some simple breathing exercises a couple of times a day helps heal your broken heart.

4.DIY – You do You

Make a list of things you enjoy, put them on the calendar and keep each appointment! First, focus on the hobbies that you neglected when you were in a relationship.

5.Nurture Past Friendships

Be honest with the friends you’ve put in second place behind the relationship.  You’re allowed to ask for help, support, and rekindle friendships. 

6.Shift the Focus

Helping others is the best way to get an instant sense of accomplishment and pull out of your sadness. 

7.Get Some PAWsome Therapy

Animals of all sizes give unconditional love, laughter, and warm cuddles. 

8.Hug it Out

Hugs are great medicine for a hurting heart and they do the body good. 

9.Pump Up the Jams

Music can fill the void when things seem a little too quiet in your head or home. Plus, it works wonders on the mind and body! 

The Comprehensive 9 Steps to Kick Loneliness’ Butt:

#1 Throw a Short Pity Party

Grieving over the end of a relationship is natural and normal. Give yourself time to survive this first raw stage. It’s sure to include sadness and even shock depending on how the breakup was managed.

Even if you were the one to end the relationship, it is difficult to escape the sense of loss. Cutting off all the psychological attachments, causing an emotional shock to your system

You may be tempted to use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain, thinking substances will cheer you up. The effect is quite the opposite.

Everyone has to face anxiety, depression, and stress in this life. Using drinks or drugs will negatively impact your mental health and slow you down.

Lack of quality sleep is a known hazard of substance abuse. A hangover will make you feel even more depressed.

“Everything in moderation” is what grandma always said and grandma was right. Do you hear that? The occasional glass of wine with a nice piece of chocolate is perfectly fine. What a win!

 #2 Track Your Recovery

After you’ve granted yourself a few good cries in the shower, then it’s time to get out, dry off and grab your phone.

This isn’t about making plans with anyone but yourself.

Schedule exercises, set a time to prepare a favorite meal, or finally read that book that’s been on your bedside table for 14 months. Treat these appointments as you would an interview for your dream job! Make yourself priority number one, and get to know your space.

 #3 Breathe

Loneliness and stress can throw your body into survival mode; fight, flight, or freeze. 

Put three breathing sessions a day in your calendar and set reminders. Just four or five minutes of cleansing breaths can lift the sad weight and relieve some emotional pressure.

You can simply set a timer or use a breathing or meditation app. Here’s a list so you can focus on the goals you’re trying to reach through some short breathing sessions.

 #4 DIY – You do You

If the idea of ANOTHER walk around the block, or binging the latest Netflix release leaves you feeling - meh - here are some creative ideas to get you moving, mentally and physically, into a happier future

Some are just silly…and embrace it! Enjoy how funny it is when you’re balancing an apple on your head while blowing bubbles. We DARE you!

The whole point is you’re alone, having fun by yourself, with no one watching. You’re a hoot and a half, plus you’re getting a lot of free front-row entertainment!

Loneliness-busting activities include reading a book by your favorite author, exercising, or deep cleaning the house. All give you a sense of accomplishment. 

Journaling is another excellent outlet to fill your time. Pouring out emotions into a written form allows you to do a little venting, fact-check your thinking, and let go a little bit at a time. Writing it down can relieve you of the toxic breakup loop many of us fall prey to.

Similarly, you can keep a gratitude journal where you simply write down the blessings in your life.  I love what Emmanuel Dagher has to say on the subject:

 #5 Nurture Past Friendships

This can take some courage but it will pay off in happy, enjoyable, friendships.  

Admitting you put your friends on the backburner to focus on your relationship can be disappointing, but does not mean you need to write them all out of your life forever. Friends are understanding, and they love you- they will understand. 

It is likely they’ll welcome you back with open arms and excitement about the chance to catch up and get reacquainted. Your out-of-the-blue phone call may be their reason to smile that day. A get-together may relieve their loneliness too, so you both are benefitting!

Do not date. Full stop.  

This is a time for you and the important family and friends in your life. Honor yourself by taking the time to heal and find joy again on your own. Until then you’re just begging for a rebound disaster.

Recognize the treasure you have in friends who enjoy the same foods and hobbies you do. Put your time and energy into being with those people that make you feel good. Here are some more ideas on rekindling old friendships or making new ones post-breakup.

 #6 Shift the Focus

Volunteering is an excellent and valuable way to do away with loneliness at any stage in your life. It proves to you everyone has struggles and you have the power to make the world a better place. That’s pretty rad! 

VolunteerMatch.org has more than 100,000 opportunities worldwide, you can search by the causes or creatures that tug at your heart. Kids, literacy, animals, crisis response, and food insecurity to name just a few. Registering is quick and free so you can get started today!

Studies show volunteering regularly can reduce stress, combat depression, provide a sense of purpose, help you find new friends, and form strong bonds within your community.

You do not have to commit a ton of hours each week. Your efforts could be an hour or two once a month. Little acts, such as volunteering to prepare food at your community food bank are appreciated more than you know. Any generous action can give you an emotional and mental boost.

 #7 Get Some PAWsome Therapy

Do not run out and adopt a dog or cat to get the therapeutic benefits of a fur friend. Remember, pets are a long-term commitment.

Friends or family with pets give you the chance to nurture human relationships while getting the health benefits of time with Fido or Fluffy.

If you’re surrounded by pet-less people, consider volunteering at a local animal shelter. Volunteers get a big dose of unconditional love while lowering blood pressure and stress levels. Petting, grooming, and walking shelter pets makes them more adoptable because it improves their mental and physical health, too.

 #8 Hug it Out

Hugging is good for both your emotional and physical health.

If you’re saying, “but I am not a hugger,” it’s ok. Something as simple as a friend resting their hand firmly on your shoulder can bring the same benefits.

Research shows a hug from someone you trust lowers stress hormones and improves moods for both people. Hug it out for 20 seconds to get the best benefits. Hey, it’s science.

Beyond healing from a breakup, scientific research shows how hugs can make your next romantic relationship happier and more fulfilling than the last.

#9 Pump Up the Jams

Depression and loneliness can leave you closed off and feeling numb. Music reconnects you with your emotions by awakening old feelings and a ton of memories.

Do not play “our song” on repeat-you know the one that belonged to you and your ex. Some tears are fine but do not torture yourself.

Here’s a fun dance playlist from 2021 with some attitude: 

Play the music you remember from summers at the lake, bonfires with friends, or your favorite current party tunes. It’s a great emotional outlet and sparks creativity.

Private dance party bonus – you don’t have to worry about how you look or sound!

Experts have long known dance is an exceptional prescription to fight loneliness and stress.

It works every time! Plus, it burns off some calories and makes for a better night’s sleep.

Before We Go

Looking again at the definition of loneliness,  the second definition is “the quality of being unfrequented and remote; isolation.”

What if that remote place is actually your own heart, mind, and soul?  

Spend some time investing in those places. Open them up to friends both old and new.

What do you think? I hope you find some good takeaways you can put to work to make you smile today.  Tomorrow will be better, and the next day, and the next.  I’d love to hear from you in the comment section. What do you think is the best cure for loneliness?

Many internal/external circumstances can lead to feeling lonely. It doesn’t have to be a biggie like a breakup. It can be plain laziness and boredom. Learning the 9 steps to deal with loneliness will help you heal more quickly after the breakup and, going forward, it will make your life richer and happier many times over. 

If you think someone else may need to hear this today, please share!