Does He Regret Hurting You, or is He Just Lonely?

Everyone makes mistakes, it’s part of life. 

Has your man made a huge relationship mistake? So big, you may even consider breaking up for it? This may leave you wondering, does he regret hurting you?

It can be difficult to tell. 

9 Signs That He Regrets What He's Done

First of all, you need to establish whether or not he truly feels bad for what he’s done. He probably isn’t going to come right out and say it, especially if things didn’t end well. 

Below are some of the common signs of remorse that may indicate he regrets what happened. 

1. He Checks in on You

Is he texting you asking if you are okay? Maybe he has even texted you multiple times in the same day. Either way, he keeps initiating conversation, and it is specifically to check on your well-being.

This is a particularly obvious sign that he feels bad, as otherwise, he wouldn’t check to see how you are faring. A man who doesn’t care at all won’t notice that he hasn’t heard from you in a while. 

2. He Apologizes

There is nothing quite like an apology when someone has done something hurtful. It’s also the starting point in a mission to show their sorry through actions.

Tread carefully, however, as an apology may not always be sincere. This is typically true when he has something to gain from your forgiveness. Be sure to listen carefully to his apology and that it includes exactly what he is sorry for and why he is sorry. 

If he says anything like, “I am sorry you got hurt” or “I am sorry you feel that way,” these are NOT him apologizing for his behavior. 

3. He Looks Overly Happy

When people are sad or feeling a lot of guilt, they will often go out of their way to appear happy. 

Even if you were the one heartbroken by the breakup, breakups are usually hard for everyone. So, if your ex-boyfriend seems happy, too happy, to the point where he is bragging about it, just know it might be fake. 

This can visualize itself on social media, word of mouth, or direct contact.

4. He Continues To Try And Be In Your Life

A man who feels regret will continue to try to stay relevant. Besides just texting you to check-in, he may find any excuse to see you. He could find something you left at his place or show up at your work with a question- all little things that are unnecessary but keep him on your mind. 

Both of these are signs that he is trying to get you to forgive him for what he’s done. 

5. He Tries to Make it Up to You

In addition to popping up randomly, he may start to do things he did not before to cheer you up or show his empathy.

He may do some acts of service to make life easier for you, like fixing things around the house or running errands.

Don’t fall head over heels just yet, because he could be doing these things only to clear his guilty conscience. Accept the help if you need and want it, but if this is the only sign on the list he is showing, don’t reconcile with him as he is probably doing it for him, not you. 

6. He Makes Promises

Is he suddenly promising things that he never committed to while you were in the relationship? 

It’s important to note that these could be empty promises. This is especially true when they are promises for the far-off future, as he can easily find an excuse out of them before he needs to deliver. If he never followed through with past promises, you shouldn’t hold your breath now.

A prime example of this would be breaking up with a guy because he cheated on you, and him saying he wants to marry you in the future. This is an empty promise, but something you probably want to hear, so know he is just saying it to get you back. 

7. He is Unusually Quiet

This sign can be difficult to gauge if you aren’t still cohabitating with the guy you are mad at. If for some reason you are, and he seems abnormally quiet, this is a sign of regret. 

Emotions like regret and guilt can become overwhelming. When this happens, the brain shuts down and doesn’t know what to say. He may even look and feel depressed.

If he is exhibiting this sign, let him be. He will come to you in his own time if he wants to make amends. 

8. He's Finally Being Honest

When a man hurts you, it usually has something to do with dishonesty. While you were together, it may have been impossible to get the truth out of him. Well, a sure sign he regrets what he’s done is when he starts coming clean. 

He will tell you everything, even the stuff you don’t want to hear. He should speak in a remorseful tone and be visibly upset as he speaks. If it sounds like he is bragging, or he shows no emotion as he is honest with you, this isn’t regret. 

9. He Tries to Get Back With You

There is nothing more obvious about a man filled with regret than him trying to get you back. He may change drastically on the surface to appear as everything you wanted.

Be cautious, as the original problem isn't solved. Just because he is suddenly the dad or man you always wanted him to be doesn’t mean he has changed permanently.

What to Do When You Think He Regrets Hurting You

Is your man exhibiting at least four or five signs on the list? Then he is definitely feeling regretful about what he did to you. What should you do next?

Take All the Time You Need

No matter what you do, don't go back into a relationship still angry, as this will cause you to be vindictive. There is no fresh start with an unsettled relationship dynamic.

Take all the time to heal before you get into a relationship with your ex. If he truly loves you and wants you back, he will wait. If you end up deciding he is no longer for you, this is okay too. 

Don't Jump Back Into the Relationship

Whatever you do, do not jump back into the relationship. Especially if you just broke up and it’s only been a couple of days. Everyone feels lonely after a heartbreak and he may just be feeling alone.

If you feel safe to do so, arrange a time to talk on neutral, public ground. Meet at a park or restaurant, maybe even have a friend nearby. This way you can hear him out on what he has to say, decide if he is sorry, and discuss what you will do next. As with most things, good things take time. Even though you may feel very lonely and torn up about whatever happened, don’t jump the gun too soon with reconciling.

What if You Think He's Not Sorry?

You know your partner best. Do you see any signs of regret, or does it all seem calculated?

Even if your man is exhibiting some of the signs mentioned above, if you feel he isn’t regretful, he probably isn’t. This is one place in life where you should absolutely trust your gut. 

If you aren’t sure where your gut is leading you, here are some sure signs he isn’t sorry. 

5 Signs He Doesn't Feel Bad At All

1. He Claims It Wasn't His Fault

Regardless of what happened between the two of you, he should take some responsibility. If he argues it isn’t his fault or claims he did it because of some outside force, he isn’t sorry at all. 

2. He Blames You

Even if you had a part in what happened, this isn’t about you, it's about him. If he brings you into the conversation about why he did what hurt you, this should tell you he just doesn’t feel bad. 

For example, if you were hurt when he cheated on you, he may say he only did so because you were on a week-long trip with your friends. This is not him being regretful and he is not sorry. He is just making excuses. 

3. He Doesn't Make Any Changes 

A regretful man will immediately begin working to make changes to get you back. If your partner is making promises that never materialize, this is because he doesn’t want to change. 

A man who doesn’t want to change is one who thinks there is nothing wrong with the way he is now. Steer clear of this man as he will most likely hurt you again. These empty promises sound reassuring, but it’s just a never-ending cycle.

4. He Says You Are Overreacting

When you talk about the event, what does he say? If anything comes out of his mouth about you overreacting, know that he has no guilt.

Someone who is sorry about what they’ve done will be so because they care about you and your feelings. If he thinks you are overreacting, he is downplaying your feelings and doesn’t care about hurting them.

A man who thinks you are overreacting will not be deterred from making the same mistake again. 

5. It's All About Him

When a man hurts you and feels regret, he should do anything he can to make you feel better. If all he can talk about is how the breakup is hard on him, then he doesn’t care about you. Remember, this is a two-way street.

If you and your ex meet up for any reason, ensure you are the topic of conversation. If all he talks about is himself, know he has no regret other than the fact that he is alone now. 

How to Move On When He Doesn't Feel Guilty At All

Moving on isn’t easy, particularly when you are hurt. Staying with someone who just doesn’t listen or care about your expressed emotions will be even more painful.

As much as you may want to change him, it’s time to nip these thoughts in the bud. A man who feels no regret or shame will never change, especially if he cheated. You need to walk away. 

If you are struggling, think of this proverb:

Once you recognize how powerful you are for walking away, kick start your journey by doing something nice for yourself. Buy that vacation you’ve always wanted. Book that massage. Move to a new city. Whatever it is, you earned it. Treat yourself how you want to be treated, as this will help you feel better and attract the right people to you in the future. 

Final Thoughts

Overall, it can be hard to tell if a man regrets hurting you. If you have any doubt that these apologies are empty, trust your gut. Moving on to bigger, and healthier things are amazing steps in a better, loving direction. This is the only way you will be able to become the person you are meant to be and meet the person you are meant to be with.