The Truth About Falling Out of Love
It’s happened. You no longer feel the same spark for your partner.
This doesn’t mean you don’t care about them, because you probably still do. The reality is, just as you can fall in love with someone, you can also fall out of love with them. Suddenly, someone who used to excite you so much is nothing more than another person you need to interact with every day.
So what do you do? Does this mean your relationship is over? Don’t panic just yet- keep reading to discover the truth about falling out of love and what you should do when it happens.
What Does it Mean to Fall Out of Love?
Every relationship is filled with stages. First comes the passionate love, fading into compassionate love which is what keeps the relationship going for years on end. Yet, not every man or woman you date is the one you are meant to spend forever with, and there may come a time when you don’t feel any love at all for your current partner.
This doesn’t mean you hate the person or don’t care for them, it just means you aren’t IN LOVE with them like you once were. As a human being, you are always growing and changing, as are your thoughts and feelings on life. There stands a chance that you may have simply emotionally outgrown your partner.
Falling out of love doesn’t happen overnight, and there are often many exterior/interior factors involved. One study found that individuals were more likely to fall out of love when they were experiencing a negative sense of self.
Thus, before you do anything rash, it’s important to look within and analyze your own emotions about yourself and their impact on your feelings towards your significant other.
What Causes Someone to Fall Out of Love?
There are many reasons you could find yourself falling out of love, the most major of which is time.
Staying in love with someone is hard work. It takes compromise and sacrifice. Many people honestly don’t want to put in the work. When the initial spark begins to fade, they simply give up. If this is your reason for falling out of love, it may be able to be repaired- more on this later!
Another reason could be linked to important, personal life changes. You may not be the same person you were when you began dating, and this can mean you are no longer a good match for your partner.
Old relationships may also come back into play. This is more likely to happen when you have a former unresolved relationship. You will suddenly find yourself thinking of your ex rather than your current partner, causing you to forget all the good aspects of your present relationship, falling out of love as a consequence.
There are also many exterior influences in a relationship. If you and your partner have been through something serious like illness, financial crisis, or the emotional loss of a loved one, this can change who you are as well as your view of your partner. You may lose trust in your significant other, or feel you can no longer confide in them. Bit by bit, these external circumstances can form an emotional divide.
Is Falling Out of Love Normal?
Realizing you no longer love your partner as you once did can be scary, but the truth is, it’s normal. Relationships aren’t always forever. If you find yourself falling out of love with your partner, chances are you weren’t meant to be.
This is especially true when you are in a long-term relationship. You and your feelings change over time. Your significant other may have been perfect for you when you met eight years ago, but now you are no longer a good fit. Let’s face it, it happens!
Signs You May Be Falling Out of Love
Worried you may no longer love your partner? Here are some of the common signs you may be falling out of love:
You Compare Them to Others
There’s a reason people say “comparisons are a theft of joy,” and it presents itself accordingly when you start comparing your relationship to others. Comparing your partner to all the people you could be with is a sure sign you are falling out of love. The reality is, you have no way of knowing if the grass is greener on the other side, but the simple thought indicates you aren’t happy, or in love with, your partner any longer.
You No Longer Want to Spend Time With Your Partner
Do you find yourself wanting to do things by yourself? Wishing your partner would leave the house before you had friends over? This is another definite sign you are falling out of love.
Keep in mind wanting a little alone time from your partner is okay, and this doesn’t mean you aren’t in love. What isn’t okay is when you go out of your way to avoid your partner, or specifically plan to exclude them from something because you know you won’t have fun if they are there.
You Are No Longer Physically Intimate
Being in romantic love and a healthy relationship with someone should naturally lead to physical intimacy. You should want to please your partner in the bedroom and, in turn, have them please you. Therefore if there is a lack of desire for physical intimacy in your relationship, it’s likely the two of you are no longer in love.
Your Relationship Isn't Moving Forward
Relationships have a natural progression. There’s the honeymoon period, which is typically easy to navigate. After that, however, you have to spend some time resolving differences in order to transform the love into something longer lasting. This resolution of differences typically comes during small arguments.
If you and your partner are constantly arguing, with no clear resolution, your relationship is staying in the same place rather than moving forward. Not only that, but maybe your relationship is even regressing as you continue to air old grievances against one another. This isn’t a sign you are in love.
You Don’t Argue Anymore
Just as it can be dangerous to argue all the time without solutions, it can also be a sign that you and your partner aren’t in love if you don’t argue at all.
Healthy individuals in a relationship have a disagreement every now and then. You both are two very different people and it’s impossible to agree on everything. As long as the arguments you do have are constructive and come to a conclusion, it’s normal to disagree with your partner from time to time.
If you and your partner have stopped arguing completely, it shows that one or both of you have become apathetic to the other and have no interest in resolving differences.
They’re Not in Your Future Plans
Do you imagine yourself dating someone else? Do you dream of living separately from your partner?
When you love someone you should be picturing them in your future, whether it is five years from the present or a vacation you want to take later this year. If you find yourself making plans without them, you definitely aren’t in love with them anymore.
You Are Staying With Your Partner For Their Happiness
You can see that you make your partner very happy, and you should also feel happy to be with them, you’re not. Are you staying with them to make them happy and ignoring your own happiness?
Some people stay with their partner out of ease and comfort, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy, and it's surely not an indicator of love.
You Complain About Your Partner to Others
Every now and then, you and your SO will get into an argument which will result in you venting to a friend or family member. This is okay, but don’t overdo it. If you suddenly find yourself complaining about everything they do, all the time, to anyone who will listen, something isn’t right.
I’m Sure I Fell Out of Love, What’s Next?
It’s official, you’ve fallen out of love with your partner. You still care about them, but you just can’t see yourself being with them forever. This might mean the relationship is over. Before you do anything rash, take a look at the following steps you can take when you realize you’ve fallen out of love.
Talk to Your Partner
First and foremost, don’t do anything without talking to your partner first. Remember, you aren’t the only one in this relationship and your partner may have some feelings of their own to voice.
If you both want to work to fall back in love, it’s not impossible. But be aware that falling back in love won’t be easy, it takes a lot of work.
Go to Therapy
As previously mentioned, the fallout could be linked to a negative self-image. The only way to remedy this is to start by fixing yourself first. Once you are in a better mindset, you can reevaluate your relationship with your significant other.
If you decide to take this path, you should have a discussion. Maybe the two of you could agree to attend therapy as a couple in addition to your individual sessions.
End Your Relationship
Sometimes, there is nothing you can do to fall back in love; it may simply be a lost cause. This is okay. Ending your relationship if it is not working out is actually a mature idea. Pulling the plug before things get nasty or someone steps out is a wise choice.
Cheating is Not the Answer
When you find you’ve fallen out of love with your significant other, it may seem easy to re-download the dating apps and look for someone new. As distracting as this can be, it’s not the answer and will only prolong your glow-up. This is especially true if you fell out of love with your partner because of your negative self-image.
Cheating is only a temporary fix, and you’ll hurt your significant other (who you care about) in the process. Instead, end your relationship, go to therapy, work on fixing yourself, and then download dating apps with a clear mind if you’re ready to speak with someone new.
Final Thoughts
It’s never a nice feeling to think you’ve fallen out of love with someone you used to be so crazy about, but it happens. If you find that your feelings have changed, it’s important to take steps right away to figure out why and if you can fix it. You never know, you may just find yourself falling back in love with your partner after all!
