3 Steps To Getting Over A Breakup In 30 Days Or Less
There’s no sugarcoating it: breakups are terrible. It doesn't matter who pulled the plug. It doesn't matter how amicable it ended, breakups are bound to arouse a plethora of emotions.
Let’s face it: this is someone you could’ve given your life to at some point. The brunt of it all is the painful realization that the person whom you have sorted future plans with will no longer be a part of that future. What’s even worse? Moving on and putting that person behind you for good.
According to a survey conducted by OnePoll and Yelp Eat24, the average American will suffer the pain of 3 major breakups and will spend a minimum of 18 months to get over each of them.
However, clinical psychologist, Ramani Durvasula says “We take six to eight weeks to heal a broken leg after it has been cast, so why not a broken heart?”
Bottom line: there is no definitive timeframe for moving on from your ex. These time periods do not have to be your reality. The fact is, you can actually get over your ex within a month.
Surprised? Below are 3 simple steps to apply after a breakup to move on in 30 days or less.
Step 1: Release Yourself
The first step towards moving on quickly after an amicable or bitter split is to free yourself from the broken relationship. You need to re-evaluate and come to the understanding that it’s time to move on.
This is a very important step as it usually determines if the other steps are viable. Take the following actions immediately after a breakup.
Stop going through your ex’s social media pages.
In your journey to moving on, you need fewer reminders of your ex. Whether you pulled the plug doesn’t matter. You may be tempted to stalk your ex on social media. As you cut off direct communication with your ex, you should also steer clear from their social media profiles.
According to a study published in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking, people who stalk their exes’ Facebook accounts are more likely to have negative feelings for the person, more likely to desire that person, and less likely to move on from the split.
You may not be able to find genuine happiness or move on if you still keep tabs on your ex online. Resist the temptation to ‘check up’ on them.
Get rid of their stuff.
The relationship regrettably has come to an end. Both of you are quite aware of that. What you should remove every trace and every evidence of it from your personal space. If you continue to hold on to the personal effects of your ex, you’re going to find it difficult to move on.
Staring at the souvenir from your past relationship can mess up your day. Within the first week of the split, remove their stuff from your apartment and trash them outside. You can even do your ex a favor by boxing and mailing them their belongings. That is a direct irrevocable message that you have moved the past behind you.
Clear their images from your phone and PC.
Allowing the images of your ex to remain in your phone and PC gallery is a mental wedge blocking your path to recovery. You will always find difficulty moving on when you’re constantly reminded of your ex.
It is important to delete every photo of your ex on your phone, PC and hard drives, and even the ones on social media. It’s going to be a tough exercise but do it anyway. Moving on becomes easier and faster, too.
Stop mentioning them in conversations.
Your relationship just ended, and it’s going to be quite difficult for your ex’s name to not feature in any future conversation. Admittedly, there are factors that might influence you to talk about an ex.
This could be based on how hurt you were for the relationship to end the way it did. It could be the simple reason of seeing them on social media or much you want to dwell in the past.
Dr. Gary Brown, a licensed psychotherapist in Los Angeles says “the amount of time we were with [our ex], how attached we were (or weren't) to them, the degree of emotional and physical intimacy, the timing of when the relationship ended — particularly difficult around the holidays — and the nature of the conflicts that brought about the end of the relationship.”
Brown posits that if you are constantly talking about your ex, it is getting in the way of your social, work, or even your future love life, now’s the time to talk to stop.
Step 2: Rediscover Yourself
Now that you’ve deleted every trace of your ex from your personal space and life, it’s time to rediscover yourself. It sounds cliché, but the end of a relationship is the perfect time to discover yourself again.
Reflect on your breakup.
This is an important process in your journey to moving on. Take some time to introspect about the relationship. During this process, you can note down the important lessons learned from the split. Then, you can shed light on the actions you can take as you move towards recovery.
Research suggests that reflecting on the breakup can help you move on faster.
Date yourself.
It may already sound weird but one of the best ways to move on from your ex is to date yourself. The split presents a great opportunity to try new things. You can also treat yourself the way you want you’d want to be treated by a lover.
This can mean reigniting your love for something you stopped doing when you began dating. You can buy flowers, binge-watch TV shows, order, or cook a favorite meal. Do anything that puts a smile on your face.
Get busy.
After a split, you begin to discover you’ve got too much time on your hands. Apart from giving yourself a nice treat, look for productive ways to kill time and worry less about the split.
You can use the opportunity to learn some online courses or register at a nearby book club if you’re a sucker for book discussions.You can do visualization or meditation that will help you focus better for the rest of the day. Busying yourself is a great way to have a fresh perspective about your life and move on as fast as possible.
Exercise.
You can take advantage of this ‘freedom’ to get that summer body into shape. The role and benefits of regular exercises cannot be underplayed. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins which promotes happy feelings.
Apart from relieving stress, anxiety, and a truckload of physical and mental benefits, exercises also improve self-confidence. When you look in the mirror after an exercise, you’re reminded that the person you now see is a different, upgraded version of your previous self. And that’s a good thing.
Spend time with nature.
Mother nature has a weird way of comforting and healing us when we grieve. Spending time with nature is one of the quickest ways of moving on after a split.
You can take out time to sit near a lake or river, and savor the beauty all around you. As the water swirls and laps at your feet, you will experience a soothing feeling that you need. You can also opt to visit your favorite and get lost in the lights and sounds of that place.
Step 3: Surround Yourself
The last but not the least step in moving on from a breakup is to seek support and surround yourself in things that will make you genuinely happy. Engage in these simple activities:
Surround yourself with people who love you.
Spending time with people who love and support you is crucial to moving on quickly. Friends and family members are constant reminders that you have people that you can rely on to cope and deal with the split. Invite your friends and folks to your apartment for sleepovers. You can spend the whole night talking or karaoke-ing. You’ll feel better afterward and move on with ease.
Make new friends.
Apart from chilling with old friends and folks, breakups present the opportunity to go to new places and make new friends. It’s a good way to inject some freshness into your life and make moving past your ex come easy.
Listen to music.
Music is a great way to deal with the pain of splitting with your ex, and aid in getting over your ex. Listening to songs professing self-empowerment, strength, and courage will help manage your emotions better. They will also make you feel less lonely without your ex.
Moving on from a split may be more difficult than the split itself. And while there are no definitive timelines for getting over your ex, it is achievable under 30 days. And begin a new life with a better you with even better perspectives for your next relationship.
