Why Post-Divorce, Second Chances at Love Are the Best
Divorce undoubtedly presents new opportunities in love. Without divorce, you wouldn't have the chance to start over and find someone that is better suited for the person you grew to be. Some people say, "love doesn't last forever, but divorce does." there is a permanence in divorce that can be invigorating.
Sure, divorce sucks. It rips your heart out of your chest and leaves you with an open wound in its place. No one denies that fact. It is when you take the time to heal yourself from the inside that you have the chance to be reborn again. You have the chance to find that love you've always dreamed of.
Don't let the post-divorce dating scene stereotype get in the way of your confidence. It is just that, a stereotype. Just because you've recently gone through a divorce, doesn't mean you aren't entitled to or worthy of everlasting love. Some may argue that going through a divorce prepares you for everlasting love like nothing else on the planet can do.
Many people find that because of their divorce, they pay closer attention to red flags in a relationship, and are more willing to leave a relationship if it doesn't suit their needs. Whereas those that have never been divorced, or even married for that matter, are likely to compromise their beliefs or needs to try and match the other person simply because they love that person.
When you compromise your wants and needs, it creates a recipe for disaster in the long run. Eventually, you will want someone that meets you head-on and checks all the boxes you have in place.
Below are some of the most common reasons among divorcees as to why their second chance at love was the best.
Out With the Old, In With the New... Boundaries That Is
You've gone through the hard work of your first marriage. Maybe you thought he would change. Maybe you thought you could change. In the end though, reality played out, and you grew apart because neither one of you changed in a way that held your marriage together.
So many people make the mistake of thinking the red flags will go away one day or another. The truth is, those red flags are what leads to divorce.
Now that you are divorced, you have the chance to get what you wanted the entire time. Maybe you didn't know what you wanted until you got divorced, and that's okay too.
For those that haven't had the chance to do so, use your new-found post-divorce freedom to do some real soul searching. Discover and re-learn your passions and who you are at your core. Who do you want to be ten years from now? That is a question that children so often get asked, but it is relevant at any point in your life.
Answering those tough questions about yourself will help you navigate your feelings. It will also help you establish healthy boundaries for your next relationship. Release those old boundaries and convictions from your previous marriage. Allow yourself to bring in the new and improved you to your next relationship.
It is important to establish unwavering boundaries within yourself. This is because it helps you discover who it is that you are and the type of person you belong with. Chances are when you evaluate and re-evaluate this side of yourself. You may end up surprised by the person that is meant for you. A lot of the time, it is the person we least expect because we've been too distracted looking for someone that suits our ego rather than our soulful self.
Setting appropriate boundaries also helps you to meet your partner equally from the very beginning. It is when we meet our partner as two individual and complete people, that we have a better chance at a successful relationship. And the only way to truly do this is by first sifting through the conviction-less parts of yourself.
Boundaries aren't just about what you are and aren't willing to do or deal with in a relationship. They are also about what you are willing to accept and receive.
However, the most important part about setting boundaries is to leave them at the forefront of your mind at all times. That is, while you are in the post-divorce dating scene. This will ensure that you don't lose track of them. Or worse, allow yourself to get swept away by someone feeding you compliments.
Let Your Freak Flag Fly!
So many women complain that they can't be themselves in their relationship. Maybe you got into a relationship or marriage before you had the time to really figure out who you are at your core. Then, you grow up and realize that who you are is not the same person that you were when you got married. As a result, you hide those parts of yourself to keep from disrupting the waters in your marriage.
When in reality, not giving yourself the opportunity to be your soulful self hurts the marriage anyway. In a sense, you are lying to your spouse and yourself when you can't own up to who you are in the marriage.
As a human, you change every seven to ten years. Cells in the body have a finite life span, and new cells are created in their place. Every seven to ten years, you have completely different cells than you did in the years previous.
If cells are changing, it is safe to say your interests can change as well. When you get married at a young age, it is nearly impossible to predict what you will be like when you are 50, let alone who you will want to be with.
Divorce gives you a second chance at love. It gives you a second chance to enter a relationship in your wiser mindset and to open up from the get-go.
Be loud with what you want and who you are. You have nothing to fear. Trust that being just exactly who you are, is worthy and desirable enough for the most intense of loving connections. Oftentimes, it is when you try to impress someone that things end up going wrong. You present yourself in ways that are unnatural to who you are. Because of this, you end up in a relationship where you feel like you can't be yourself. Relationships like this always end up with one or both people being unhappy.
You can't hide from yourself when you are in search of your one true love. To find true happiness, you must first love yourself so much that you refuse to hide behind your own shadow. In other words, get out of your own way! Your second chance at love is on the other side of fear. There is someone out there that is waiting for someone just like you. You'll never know, though, if you hide parts of yourself from those you meet.
Put the Excuses to Rest
It is extremely easy to make excuses for your spouse when things start to slip in a marriage. Or worse, you start making excuses for yourself as to why it is your fault that the marriage perished.
Do not allow your post-divorce-self to make these excuses. If you are unhappy, speak up. The happiest relationships are those where you and your spouse can have the most difficult conversations. Not only that, but you have them without disrespecting or calling names. Open, honest, and respectful conversations go far in a relationship.
You are undoubtedly wiser after a divorce than you ever were before. Hold yourself accountable for what you've learned and take back your power! There is no excuse for mistreatment in any way, shape, or form.
The partner that is meant for you will meet you eye-to-eye. You will have a mutual understanding and respect for one another. Excuses fall weak in a relationship of this magnitude. If you are dating after divorce and you do not see the mutuality or respect in every aspect of the relationship, then it is not your relationship. It is not a relationship that serves your higher purpose. You can kindly thank the person for the lessons and move on.
Speaking your truth is something that is a lot harder to do if you haven't already been married once before. There is a common mentality among women that have gone through a divorce. This mentality is that they will no longer hold back or stay silent when something doesn't feel right.
Leaving someone that doesn't make you happy doesn't hurt as bad. You are less likely to waste time on a relationship where you are mistreated. This is because you naturally become closer to your priorities. The parts of your first marriage that were less than adequate will stare you in the face in your next relationship. Going through a divorce is rewarding in this nature. It brings you face-to-face with your confidence again, ironically enough.
There is something about a heartbreak that breaks down any walls you may have had in place. It exposes the deeper parts of you and forces you to become familiar with them. More times than not, your confidence level is one of those things. Embrace this time and use it to your advantage. It will help you find the person that is best suited for you.
Co-Parenting Post-Divorce Can Be Better Than Your Marriage Ever Was
This is not to be taken the wrong way. Co-parenting post-divorce is never the end goal of a marriage. That said, it is certainly a silver lining worth mentioning. According to research, children with divorced parents that co-parent are happier than children that see their parents suffer through an unhappy marriage.
In short, divorce is never the best option for children. However, your children are learning what a relationship is supposed to be like by looking at your relationship with your husband. That said, if the marriage is unhealthy or abusive, a divorce might be the best option. Once you and your spouse divorce, it is crucial to ensure the children feel safe, stable and cared for.
Try your best to establish a solid routine and continue to work well as parents with your ex. Your children could thrive as a result. They will see what happiness looks like. That is what matters most when it comes to looking to you for guidance in relationships. The last thing you want is for your children to look at your unhealthy marriage and perceive it as a happy one. In the same sense, you don't want them to suffer from two parents that are unwilling to co-parent either.
You never know, your divorce could help the relationship between you and your spouse. In fact, some marriages that end in a divorce find that they can be civil to each other afterward. The spouse can see the other for who they are as a person and hope the best for them in the future. Not to mention, when you have to split time with the children, it makes you want to cherish the time you do have.
Maybe you guys start doing things outside the home more often because of it. Maybe your ex becomes a better father to his children because of the split time. You might even begin to feel a love for your ex in a way you never thought possible. Not to say you are in love, but you may feel more respect for him post-divorce.
The last thing anyone ever wants to do when they get married is to talk about divorce. Sometimes, though, it is what's for the best. If you have outgrown each other or the relationship turns unhealthy or abusive, divorce is most likely the best option. It doesn't have to be scary, though!
The above-stated reasons are just a few of the reasons why a second chance at love is the best. Allow yourself to grow into the person you were always meant to be. You are worthy and deserving.
