It can be hard to know where your partner stands sometimes. Is there a way to know if he loves you or not?

“He loves me, he loves me not.” If only picking flowers off a daisy could answer these awkward questions, the world would be a flower-less place. 

In a new relationship, it can be hard to determine where you and your partner stand. You may feel that enough time has passed and he should be saying the three magic words. Or maybe he does say them, but you are unsure if he means it. How can you tell if he loves you?

If you’re deep in a long-term partnership, have you been noticing some changes? Is your significant other withdrawing and showing less love than usual?

Take a second to look below the surface. It’s not always easy to express your heart’s content, especially for men. Feelings can get lost in communication, and sometimes people will say things they don’t mean, just because they think it’s something others want to hear. 

It’s best to take a look at his actions if you are having doubts. As the age-old saying goes, “actions speak louder than words.”

Here are 10 signs that he loves you.

If you aren’t noticing these 10 things in your current relationship, don’t worry. We have advice for that at the end of the article too!

1. He Asks You Personal Questions

Does your man ask you what your day was like? Does he ask you about how that project went at work?

Asking each other personal questions is all you do on a first date. You two don’t know each other yet, and you’re trying to figure out everything you can about each other. 

When the unfamiliarity of a new relationship dies down, does he keep asking questions? 

Men don’t try to dig deeper with a woman unless they see a future. There is no use for them to put in the effort unless they have long-term plans.

When a man loves a woman, he wants her to feel safe and understood. He continues learning her opinions of different matters, what she thinks about certain things, and if he has her approval. That is what makes you different from his other friends, he wants to know you on a deeper level. 

Another great sign is if he is sharing personal things about his life with you. Being vulnerable is very difficult for most men. If he is sharing deep thoughts about his feelings, it means he values his relationship with you. 

You can test this theory out by asking him a list of fun questions or conversations starters at your next date night. See how interested he is in your answers, and how much he shares about his thoughts. 

2. He Wants to Spend More Time With You

No couple can be together all the time, nor should they. Every relationship has a healthy balance of time together and time apart.

Taking a look at how much time your man wants to spend with you can be a good indicator of if he loves you or not. Does he value the time you have together and prioritize it, even rearranging other things to put you first?

Of course, last-minute work and family obligations will always come up. However, take a look at how much time he is spending with his coworkers and friends. Then look at how much time he spends with you. 

It’s true everyone needs some ‘me time.’ But how much time is he watching TV or doing other activities without you?

Does he enjoy the time you spend together? Does he stay up late just to spend more time with you, even though he may have work early tomorrow? Is he okay participating in activities he doesn’t enjoy, just because you are doing them?

These can all be subtle signs that your partner has stronger feelings for you than he may let on. 

4. He is Protective Over You

Don’t confuse someone who is overly controlling as someone who just loves deeply. There is a balance with how protective a guy is over you. 

That being said, men naturally want to protect women they love. Noticing the ways he cares about you in this way can be insightful. 

Does he let you walk home alone in the dark?

Does he reach out to see if you got home safe after a late-night drive? 

All of these things can be a sign that he feels protective over you.

5. He is Affectionate With You in Public

If a man loves you, he wants to let you shine. He’ll hold your hand in public, and let people know you’re with him. Not all boyfriends are into PDA, so don’t get too wound up if your man is shy with public kisses. But there is no doubt that being shown off will make you feel special!

Think back to your high school years. This principle is the idea behind a guy giving his girlfriend his letterman jacket. That coat is in effect telling everyone, she’s mine. Even after high school men will offer girls they like their coat or jacket as a public display that this is the girl they are interested in. 

3. You’re His Only Romantic Focus

The honest truth is that if your man’s romantic attention is divided, you aren’t getting his full love. 

This of course is true on a big scale, like if he has multiple partners. 

It can also be helpful to look at smaller things he does as well. Does he flirt with other women? 

When you two are out with his friends, does he still give special attention to you above other women? No one wants to be overanalyzed, but notice the small things he gives you versus other people that are around. Is he refilling other women’s water glasses and ignoring your own empty glass?

If you start to feel uncomfortable about his interactions with other women, it’s time to have a chat. See if he listens and changes his role, or if he keeps your head spinning.

6. He Wants to Talk Through Problems

Men who aren’t in it for the long run shut down when relationship problems begin to show. 

However, if your significant other takes the time to talk through problems with you, this is a great sign that his feelings are serious. He wants to see your side of things, see if there was a misunderstanding, and work on a solution together. 

Wanting to understand someone’s opinion, even if it conflicts with your own, shows a deep love for that person. This attention to resolve conflict is reserved for only the most important people in someone’s life. 

Every relationship will have problems. How you two navigate the conflict together will show if there are real feelings of love there. 

7. He Includes You in Decisions

Whenever couples face disagreements, therapists pose an important sentiment, “It's you and me versus the problem, not you versus me.”

If you are in a long-term relationship, no doubt you’ve already made many big decisions together. Is he still including you in his choices, both big and small?

If you are in a fresh relationship, he may not include you in everyday smaller choices.

Many men take pride in sorting through their lives on their own. Whether the decision is big or small, it is a really big deal if he wants your input. 

It is great to have a strong support system of people to help navigate life with. However, you may want to notice if he takes his problems to his friends or family first before including you in the decisions. 

Sometimes big decisions, like a job relocation, will come up. If he asks for your 411 on the situation, he values your relationship going long-term. He’s already looking ahead to the future and writing you in whatever chapters are to come.

8. He is Sensitive to Your Needs

When a man is in love, he will do anything to make you happy.

Keep in mind that men aren’t mind-readers, as much as we would like them to be! He won’t always be able to pick up on and determine your needs, whether the relationship is just starting or a little older. You may need to express how you are feeling about a certain situation, sometimes several times, before he understands. 

Notice how he does respond when you express yourself. Is he is eager to listen and make changes to help you feel better? This is a great sign that his love for you is deep.

10. He Includes You in Every Part of His Life

People love to bring people they care about together. 

When you love someone, you want to show them off and want them to be a part of everything in your life. Men will want to bring a significant other they are in love with to work events, family dinners, nights out with friends, they’ll even want to just be seen walking down the street with them. 

Your friends, family, and significant others should be your biggest fans. They will hype you up when you’re not around, and speak highly of you to others.

Including you in his life also means including you in his future plans. He’ll snag you a concert ticket to an upcoming show, plan a road trip, and let you know what he’s plotting next. 

If he is bringing you into many aspects of his life, rest assured that he cares deeply for you!

9. He Remembers Little Things

Men aren’t always very organized, and he may easily forget what time you agreed to meet for dinner. 

Does he remember you like dark chocolate best, so that's the one he always gets for you?

If you find your fave coffee in the cupboard, he’s been listening.

When they have trouble saying how they feel, this is commonly how men show that they care about their relationship. It reflects that you’re present in his mind. Doing little things that he knows will make you smile, shows true love and attention.

If You Think He Doesn’t Love You…

Reading those 10 signs either left you feeling warm and loved, or deeply concerned about your relationship. 

If you have concerns about your relationship, please don’t assume all hope is lost! 

If your relationship is new, give it time. Love that progresses slowly is stronger in the long run. It takes time for real feelings to develop. Rushing and putting pressure on him to express emotions quickly will only frustrate him and push him away.

One study said it takes men an average of 88 days to tell someone “I love you”! Women usually average 134 days before they confess their love.

If you think he has had enough time to express he loves you but hasn’t yet, it’s okay to have a calm conversation with him about it.  He may be unaware that his delay is making you concerned. It may be helpful for him to express some things that are holding him back from saying the L-word.

Truth be told, society speeds up relationships when partners say those tricky three words, and he might want to take his time.  

What if you feel that love may have faded through the years? Again, it is time for an honest conversation. He may be so wrapped up in daily life that he didn’t realize he was making you feel unloved. Take a look at your actions as well, have you been expressing your love for him in a clear way? 

It may be time for you two to work on your relationship a little more. Communicate with each other what you feel may be lacking, and then take steps to build a connection again. Feelings of love don’t go away easily, and chances are that with a little effort you two can find those warm feelings again.

What Now?

Hopefully, this list showed you that love can be present even when it’s not being clearly identified. Looking at things with a new perspective will help you see what your guy is feeling. 

If you’re feeling unloved after reading this, brew tea and have a conversation. Communication is the pillar in any deeper relationship or friendship. The ball is in your court to see if this is going to work for you, or if you’re flatlining in the love department.

Either way, you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is crazy in love with you! Don’t settle, communicate!