16 Love-Testing Make Or Break Situations
When times get tough, relationships can become strained!
In every relationship, there will be times when one or both partners need to evaluate their needs. This is not an unusual occurrence. In fact, it can often be therapeutic to reflect on the status of a relationship. After all, most people are looking for relationships that last for the long haul, not just for a few months or years.
When these "make-or-break" situations arise in a relationship (and they will), it's crucial that both partners define what they want. In some cases, the relationship may be salvaged through some creative problem-solving. In others, the relationship may, unfortunately, have to come to an end.
Situation #1: The "Do You Want Kids" Talk
While there are some exceptions, most people want to have kids at some point in their lives. Some individuals may want to work for a few years and develop their careers before raising a family. Others may want to graduate, get married, and start having kids immediately.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with either of these lifestyles or desires. The world is filled with unique people who are all on different paths through life. In all honesty, these differences are what make life so fun!
However, when two partners enter into a romantic relationship, it’s important to set clear expectations. If one partner doesn’t EVER want to have kids, this is perfectly ok. Although, if they tell their partner that they might want to have kids at some point, this is setting the relationship up to fail from the get-go.
Alternatively, consider the following situation:
Partner A tells partner B that she never wants to have kids.
Partner B really wants to have kids and stays in the relationship because he thinks he can change partner A’s mind eventually.
Sooner or later, this relationship is going to lead to resentment. Either partner A agrees to have kids, even though she doesn’t want to. Or partner B agrees to not have kids, even though he DOES want to.
Learning how to have this difficult conversation is essential for healthy relationships.
Situation #2: A Death in the Family
When any family member or friend passes away, a person needs time to grieve. Unfortunately, there is no template for “how to grieve correctly”. Rather, everyone has their own needs and will process the death in their own time.
While one member of a couple is grieving, the other partner needs to be respectful and available in whatever ways necessary.
Situation #3: Having a Child with a Disability
Modern medicine has developed numerous treatments and therapies for conditions such as autism. Still, a child who has a disability has a tough rough ahead of him or her, there is no doubt about it.
Couples who decide to have kids may have a child who develops some sort of issue that prevents normal development. When this happens, the relationship often becomes centered around the child. This can lead to a shift in how members of a couple view one another and could lead to a breakup or divorce if proper steps aren’t taken to keep the spark alive.
Situation #4: Global Pandemics
Hopefully, global pandemics don’t become regular occurrences, but humanity needs to be ready for anything.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, many people were laid off, furloughed, and/or encouraged to stay in their homes except for emergencies. For some couples, this quarantine time led to stronger relationships. For others, this constant time together caused stress and eventually, breakups.
No one could have predicted that the world would have to deal with a pandemic in this day and age. Needless to say, relationships need to be very strong to last through a global pandemic.
Situation #5: Significant Political Events
Many years ago, political differences seemed to be less of a contentious issue. Sure, there were arguments about certain fiscal policies or political agendas. Compared to the state of politics in 2022, however, the arguments of past years seem like a childhood fight at the playground.
Across America, families have been ripped apart by identity politics. The same goes for romantic relationships. If a woman finds out, in this day and age, that her boyfriend voted for a candidate she opposes, she is likely to end the relationship immediately.
Besides individual candidates, beliefs on certain hot-button political issues can also cause breakups. Similarly, recent legal decisions around the world have caused strain on many relationships.
Situation #6: Deciding to Move In Together
For couples who’ve been going steady for a while, it makes sense to move in together after enough time has passed. After all, couples tend to start keeping clothing and other items at each others’ residences over time anyway, so why not just fully combine homes?
Moving in together is a big step and can often cause a lot of problems for couples. There’s much less privacy when people live in the same home, and some people get used to living alone. So, before taking this step, couples need to carefully consider the implications of combining homes.
Situation #7: Being Promoted
Quite the opposite of getting fired from a job, being promoted is often a cause for celebration.
Most couples will be thrilled if one of them is promoted at work. This occurrence often comes with more income, improved community status, and many other benefits.
However, in some instances, promotions may cause strife in a relationship. Consider the example of a husband and wife who both work for the same company. If the husband gets promoted, he may now be “managing” his wife. This can lead to awkward interactions and very strained home dynamics as well.
Situation #8: Getting Fired
Getting fired can be the fault of the employee, the boss, or just a random stroke of bad luck. It happens all the time, and it’s traumatic, no matter how many people tell the fired individual “it’s going to be ok.”
During this time, it’s important that both partners in the relationship maintain respect for each other and don’t resort to arguing or fighting. The loss of income and the bruised pride are tough to deal with. If a relationship falls apart around the same time as getting fired, life can become almost impossible to manage.
Situation #9: Extramarital Affairs
It’s comforting to think that a married couple is bonded for life. Sadly, extramarital affairs occur very frequently.
Affairs can happen for many reasons and, truthfully, the reason is almost inconsequential in the long run. What truly matters is how the couple decides to proceed after this indiscretion has been committed by one or both partners.
Some wives are able to forgive their husbands, and vice versa. Conversely, some spouses are so hurt by an affair that the marriage cannot be salvaged.
Situation #10: Learning Past Family Secrets
Throughout the course of human history, people have done some really bad things to each other. From slavery, to genocide, to other atrocities; almost no cultures on earth have clean consciences when it comes to these terrible acts.
Unfortunately, many of the people who committed these horrible acts went on to have children, who went on to have children, etc.
Therefore, it may come up in the course of a relationship that one or both partners are descendants of people who did some very bad things in the past. Similarly, a spouse may have a distant relative who has committed an unforgivable crime or some other frowned-upon act.
When someone confides these secrets in his or her partner, it makes for a very difficult decision. Is the relationship worth saving to be with someone whose family could do such horrible things? Are these terrible acts part of their genetic code?
These questions can only be answered by the couples going through the ordeals in question.
Situation #11: Religious Affiliations
Our religious beliefs dictate how we live our lives and what morals guide our actions.
Marrying outside of one’s religion isn’t necessarily a huge deal, but it can make things difficult if one’s family is very devout.
While it could probably be said that religion has become less of a deal-breaker in the past few decades, it’s still an important consideration. Couples must respect each other’s religious differences and be comfortable with this diversity. If not, the partnership may soon start to develop cracks in the foundation.
Situation #12: Paying Bills
Undoubtedly, one member of a couple makes more than the other. Therefore, unless both partners make the exact same salary, it can be difficult to fairly divide bill payments.
These financial discussions often get heated and can be very stressful. But by practicing good listening techniques and trying to be as fair as possible, couples can overcome this hurdle in time.
Situation #13: Changes in Interests
Over the course of many years, nearly everyone develops new hobbies and interests. As an individual, this isn’t a problem. A person can change from preferring comedies to tragedies and their overall life will not be affected in any major way.
However, when it comes to couples, interests may diverge in irreconcilable directions. Say, for example, that a couple loved to watch Seinfeld when they first started dating. They could both sit down every night and watch an episode together. Perhaps, though, one member of the pair started to prefer horror movies, and the other started liking fantasy novels. If this happens, their group activity would no longer interest either of them.
In the silly situation outlined above, the couple could probably survive. But if the interests were integral to the relationship, issues may develop that cause the couple to separate.
Situation #14: Receiving a Serious Diagnosis
Odds are, most people in the world have either had cancer or had a family member who had cancer. The disease is so common and so varied that it has likely touched every person on the planet in one way or another.
Furthermore, other ailments such as heart issues and autoimmune problems may develop can affect a person at any time. When this happens to one member of a couple, the other partner becomes a default caregiver. This can change the relationship dynamics significantly. Only very strong couples who can talk through their issues are able to navigate this process.
Situation #15: Friends or Family Getting Divorced
When someone close to a couple gets divorced, it can rock the foundation of the relationship. This is especially true if the couple that split up seemed very happy on the surface. People close to the couple may begin to wonder what was going on behind the scenes and they may begin to doubt the strength of their own relationship.
Further, when one couple in a friend group gets divorced, it can lead to a cascade of divorces throughout the rest of the group. This is a sociological phenomenon that can be very tough to overcome.
Situation #16: Disagreements About Household Chores
Oftentimes, one partner will take the lead on certain chores, while the other partner handles the remaining ones. This division of labor allows couples to communicate which chores they’re ok with, and which ones they absolutely hate. Hopefully, by defining who does which chores on a weekly or monthly basis, couples can maintain a strong relationship (and a clean home).
Unfortunately, some people are unwilling to pull their weight when it comes to chores.
For example, a husband may decide that he will just let his wife take care of his chores this week; after all, it’s been a rough week. Unfortunately, his wife may not see things his way. If these issues aren’t clearly communicated, many relationships will crumble.
The Final Takeaway
Clearly, there are many situations that can put a strain on a relationship. Having open communication and setting clear expectations early in a relationship can help in nipping these issues in the bud.
On the bright side, divorce rates across the U.S. seem to be on the decline. Couples are now talking with each other and trying to figure out how to solve issues before cutting ties. Hopefully, this trend continues!
