Why You Should Let Go of Your Bad Marriage
You should let go of your bad marriage because it is ruining your financial and emotional well being. A bad marriage traumatizes your kids way more than a divorce will. Stress and dishonesty will cause your physical health to decline.
Does the drama in your marriage make a reality show look boring? Somewhere in your gut, you know that your marriage is toxic. You reason that if you leave, you would damage your kids and be even more miserable. Don't resign yourself to this lot. Let go of your bad marriage to spare yourself and your kids the harsh consequences. Here are a few sobering reasons to leave your bad marriage in the dust.
Your Health Will Deteriorate
No matter how healthy your diet is, your toxic marriage is like poison. A research study at the universities of Nevada and Michigan followed a few hundred couples over 10 years. They wanted to understand the effect of their disagreements on their health. They concluded that couples who disagreed on multiple issues had more negative health impacts. Couples that agreed on more issues had positive health benefits.
Staying in a marriage where you and your partner argue about everything except for the brand of dog food is damaging to your health and well being. Routine conflict in your marriage creates inflammation in your body. If you’ve been over the same arguments over and over, it’s time to call it quits before your body does.
It gets worse the more conflicts you have. The amount of conflicts is correlated to the severity of the negative health impacts. Many chronic diseases are caused by inflammation. Cardiovascular issues and metabolic disease are also a result of constant negativity. On the other hand, a positive marriage provides similar benefits to eating healthy and working out.
Your bad marriage can take a toll on your mental health. Sometimes, your close family and friends may assume that your emotional needs are being met within your marriage. This is especially true if you don’t share much about your relationship with them. Your friends might not invite you out as much assuming that you are busy.
The harsh reality might be that your marriage doesn’t provide any emotional solace. You feel socially isolated. Depression sets in and is reinforced by isolation. To break this downward spiral, change your situation.
Wolverine, a popular X-Men member, had lightning-fast healing abilities. As a member of your bad marriage, you have the opposite. Your turbulent relationship actually slows down the healing of simple wounds. As a response to the stress, your body releases less pro-inflammatory proteins that are used by the wound. In short, leave your marriage to better your health.
Kids Will Not Feel Secure or Safe Tiptoeing Around Your Baggage
It is hard being a parent. It is harder being a parent in a poisonous marriage. You waste a ton of mental and emotional energy arguing with your spouse, or trying to change them. This is precious energy that could be spent on your kids. An unhappy home usually drives one or both spouses to avoid being home as much as possible.
Your kids will notice their parents working longer hours or going out with their friends after work. In addition to living in an emotionally charged home, when they need you or your spouse more, they won’t get them.
If you’re still on the rocks about leaving your bad marriage, think about your kids in school. Unresolved conflict in your marriage will bubble over to their academics. Kids that have to deal with this have a poorer performance at school. Behavior problems also surface through aggression and noncompliance. Your kids don’t have much of an outlet at home, so school becomes the outlet.
What’s more, is that your hostile marriage can cause physical harm to your kids’ health. When your kids feel caught in the middle, their bodies respond through cardiac stress. Their small bodies also release larger doses of the hormone, cortisol. These extreme physical responses can cause problems with their emotional and intellectual development.
If you still think staying together for the kids is a valid reason, consider a poll taken of 14 to 22-year-olds in the UK. All these young adults were asked about how their parents’ divorce affected them. 82% of them responded that they were better off with their parents separated than together. If your marriage is toxic, rest assured that your kids will thank you for leaving it.
You Lose All Sense of Self-Respect
Boundaries in a marriage are essential. You are most likely feeling the fallout from not setting up strict boundaries with your spouse. This may seem a bit harsh to draw lines in the sand. The outcome of continuously crossing unspoken boundaries is a bad marriage. Your spouse may still be a great spouse. You just tolerate them crossing your boundaries without speaking up.
Boundaries are guidelines like how housework is divided. Or they could be how you speak to each other in front of friends or family. These simple rules may seem insignificant. They help to maintain your sense of self-respect in the relationship. If you feel lonely in your relationship, it’s a result of the sadness you feel from your boundaries being crossed.
Resentment has built between you and your partner. There is only so long this can go on before it damages your marriage. Men and women are conditioned not to speak up for their own needs. Women feel like they can’t ask for things that put themselves first. Men also feel that they can’t think about anything for themselves outside of a provider role.
If you haven’t had these important conversations with your spouse, you could be working with years of contempt. Contempt is like a kiss of death to relationships. Contempt expresses a lack of respect. Small arguments over undefined boundaries will naturally evolve into contempt. As much as you want to save your marriage, it may already be dead.
You may discover that you don’t even have the communication needed to work through your marriage issues. At the beginning of your marriage boundaries should have been set establishing how you communicate with each other. Cut your marriage short and save yourself the wasted effort.
Your Toddler is More Honest Than Your Spouse
Honesty is the groundwork for marriage. You and your spouse don’t have to be toddler honest, but you should never hide important details. At first you might have just not told your spouse about a large recent purchase, then you find yourself lying about other things. Lying in your marriage can be a hard habit to break.
Trust takes forever to build but can be ruined in an instant. You don’t trust your spouse now because they cheated, or some other similar offense. Will you ever trust them again? It might be worth it to start again with someone else.
Under normal circumstances, honesty can be tricky. A study by Dr.Bella DePaulo, people lie in one out of five of their interactions. In marriages, the average is about one in ten. The ratio might be higher depending on the particular marriage. Bring this into a marriage and you can see how quickly this can turn into a disaster.
Hopefully you haven’t been at the receiving end of a Facebook affair. Social media has made it easy for small lies to balloon into something much larger. In fact, a study reported that 35% of spouses that cheated began their affair on Facebook. Social media allows married spouses to keep ex-lovers or “friends” on the back burner. These digital relationships can remain close under the facade of a follow.
A red flag should be raised in your mind if your spouse is protective of where they’re spending their online time. With other relationship issues to deal with, they could be using social media to escape your relationship. You can set access limits and trackers on your kids phone. If you feel the need to do this with your partner, it’s time to leave.
On the other side, brutal honesty should also be avoided. Would you use brutal honesty on a first date? Nobody likes hearing the truth harshly stated. Your conversations should be thoughtfully worded to get your point across while expressing love. This lack of tact leaves you feeling like your spouse doesn’t care about your feelings.
This is another area where those important boundaries should have been established. After the honeymoon phase wears off it is even more important to retain respect for your lover. A habit of brutal honesty will wreck your self-worth.
Financial Infidelity Will Lead to Financial (and Emotional) Ruin
Spending the mortgage payment on something else reveals that your marriage is not on the same page. Not being honest with your spouse about where you are spending your money is financial infidelity.
Usually in a marriage couples set financial goals for themselves. The goals could be saving for a house or just having an emergency fund for rainy days. This provides a level of accountability and security in a relationship. Sabotaging this deal is betrayal. Aside from breaking the promise, this form of infidelity could put the whole family in financial risk.
This is something that needs to be discussed at length with your partner. Long term money goals are similar to life goals. You share a common vision of what your life will look and feel like in the future. Not being financially honest damages the other spouse’s trust. If you have had your trust shattered, you also know it’s insulting that your partner couldn’t trust you with financial issues.
A breach of financial trust can be just as hard to get over as an affair. Money mismanagement can follow you even after you divorce.
Financial abuse is one of the larger red flags you should watch out for. If this is happening to you, your bad marriage could leave you in financial tatters if you exit too late. Financial abuse is when one spouse tries to control the other spouse through their finances.
This could look like not having access to certain accounts. One spouse might only give spending money to the other spouse when certain conditions are met. This warfare is belittling and unfairly sets up one spouse to be on the losing end. If you can relate to any of this, it would be wise to get your personal finances in order and leave.
Letting go of a bad marriage is one of the best things you can do to improve the well being of yourself and your kids.
Bad marriages take a toll on your health. Your body will deteriorate as your mind struggles to stay balanced. Leaving your bad marriage will show your kids that they don't have to stay in a situation that is toxic to them. Set a great example now so they won't struggle with this as adults. Don't accept lies as the status quo. Begin the journey to regain your sense of self. Separating from your spouse could put you on a better financial track.
Do you have a question or need an ear? Leave a comment below.
It's smart to let go of your bad marriage to improve your mental and physical health. Set a good example for your kids and rebuild a strong financial foundation.
