How Long Does It Take To Get Over A Breakup?
You can’t sugar-coat it: breakups are terrible. One moment, you’re feeling on top of the world. The next, the butterflies fluttering inside your belly have disappeared. What’s even more difficult? You wonder when you’re going to get over your ex and move on with your life.
Getting over someone you once shared a life with is difficult. Whether the union lasted a few weeks, a couple of months or several years, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter whether you initiated the split or felt the sting at the receiving end. Moving past that phase of crying yourself to sleep or yelling for no good reason is tough.
When it comes to moving on, there’s no ‘one size fits all’ timeframe. Because we are all different people in different relationships, it would make perfect sense to deal with breakups differently.
According to a survey conducted by OnePoll, a market research company in conjunction with Yelp Eat24, the average American will endure the pain of a major breakup 3 times in their lifetime, and will spend 18 months getting over them.
In her book ‘Should I Stay or Should I go?’, clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula says “We take six to eight weeks to heal a broken leg after it has been cast, so why not a broken heart?”. Amiira Ruotola, co-author of ‘It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken’, says “Sadly, there is no mathematical equation to calculate a finite timeframe to recover from heartbreak.”
However, according to Brandy Engler, a licensed psychologist specialized in relationships, here are 3 top factors that will influence the healing process:
1. What you tell yourself about the split
Engler believes what you tell yourself about the breakup influences the time you’d take to heal and move on. If you consider yourself the victim after a split, it may take a longer time to get over your ex for good.
The truth is that most couples co-create their issues. Most people lose sight of the nuances of how they failed each other and develop simplistic, all-or-nothing negative statements about each other.
Engler says.
Seeing your split from this viewpoint gives a much better perspective moving forward.
2. What you conclude about the future
When most people go through splits, there’s always a nagging thought at the back of their minds. “Am I going to ever be in another relationship? Will he or she be any better than my ex?” Engler posits that when you dwell on such thoughts, it’s going to be a long journey to healing and getting over your ex.
Rather, she recommends telling yourself that you’re on the path of learning how to love and improving your ability to connect. These quotients are surefire ways of making the next relationship even better than your last.
3. What you tell yourself about yourself
When a relationship ends, no matter who pulled the plug, it is almost irresistible to self-loathe. It is tempting to blame yourself for the events that led to the split, focusing on your personal flaws. When you choose to do so, it’s even difficult to move on. Engler suggests taking a couple of minutes each day to meditate and love yourself.
Cultivate an attitude of self-nurturing the pain, and the sense of goodwill toward yourself will make it hard to do self-destructive things, which is really tempting after a breakup.
She says.
When you channel positivity into your life, instead of focusing on the pain, moving on is just around the corner.
With that in mind, what are the activities you should engage in to get over your ex?
4. Rediscover yourself
There’s no denying that breakups suck. Rather than focusing on what could’ve been, you need to shine the light and focus on yourself. This could be anywhere from doing what you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t. You can also use the opportunity to take a class, learn new skills, and develop yourself career-wise.
Focusing on rediscovering yourself after a split is crucial to moving on and putting that failed relationship behind you for good.
5. Rid yourself completely of your ex
Imagine waking up to see the picture of your ex (now) sneering at you from the bedside table. That’s a prologue to a messed-up day. Allowing the personal effects of your ex linger in your personal space is counterproductive to moving on.
Take your time and sanitize your ex from your life. This involves removing their stuff from your apartment, including the souvenirs. Any item that triggers a negative emotional response from you has got to go, too. You can opt to box your ex’s stuff and mail them or trash them.
Take a step further by removing every trace of your ex from your phones, hard drives, and monitors. Unfollowing or blocking him from your social media is also important.
You may have your ex’s phone number memorized but it doesn’t matter. You’ll feel better knowing you have his number removed from your contact list.
6. Eat comfort foods
According to the OnePoll/Yelp Eat24 survey of 2,000 respondents, comfort foods play a crucial role in getting over an ex. From the survey, the top 3 breakup comfort foods are pizza (43%), fried foods (22%), and cake (18%).
If you’re not a fan of these foods, you can order a favorite meal or use the opportunity to whip up something magical from your kitchen.
7. Surround yourself with friends
Hanging out with your friends is also vital in getting over an ex after a split. Receiving social and moral support from your peers is a good way to cope better and lessen the blow of the split. There's a high chance of becoming happier when you hang out with your friends.
Plus, who would pass up an opportunity to hug their best friend? Breakups are difficult and moving on is even herculean for most people. What you should do--regardless of how long it takes to move on--is take the positives and remind yourself it ended for the best.
