Even if you saw it coming, parting ways with your significant other is traumatic. 

It’s your heart that’s hurting but science proves your brain holds the key to healing and getting over a breakup according to researchers.

Studies find people’s bodies and brains react to rejection in the same they’d experience withdrawals from cocaine addiction. One researcher points to a study published in the Journal of Neurophysiology that states, “Intense romantic love seems to function much like an addiction.”    

Does this hit home for you? Let’s analyze some more scientific facts to power through this breakup! 

1. Reflection over Obsession

Instead of going in mental circles, write a list of all the things you were missing from the relationship. Think about the good and bad, and how it affected your moods and wellbeing. This does not have to be a daily ritual, but when you’re feeling lost in thought, it’s a great place to start.

If along the way you think of things you wish you’d done differently or better, it’s fine to jot those down, too.  Not to harshly point out your flaws to yourself, but to set down an intention to live better.  No one is perfect but everyone deserves peace. A few sessions over a few weeks can help make you feel more like your whole self. 

2. Avoid the Triggers

Emotional triggers cause a powerful memory to pop into your mind and stick.  It feels like a punch in the gut and can literally take your breath away. 

Here’s why it’s so bad for you… the trigger throws your mind and emotions back to the roughest of the pain you felt when you first broke up. You’re basically right back at square one IN the trauma of the breakup over and over again. It’s psychologically proven!

Some good ways to react to triggers are by noting when what triggered the thoughts, and how long the rabbit hole goes. Then you know what to avoid, and over time can watch the reaction period decrease. Beware of familiar scents, music, and discussion topics. The sense of smell is the most powerful when it comes to bringing back memories.

A study performed by psychologist Silvia Álava called “Smells and Emotions” showed that people remember 35% of what they smell and only 5% of what they see. So if you find yourself triggered by the smell of his aftershave on the pillow next to yours or a t-shirt he left behind, wash the sheets and donate the t-shirt to charity.

3. Sync up with Yourself

Studies find people in long-term relationships can regulate each other’s hormone levels, internal clocks, even blood pressure, and metabolism. You literally need to get your own rhythm going again. Rekindle friendships that may have suffered along the way. Do the things you enjoy that he never wanted to do.

Don’t look for instant healing and immediate happiness. Rather pay attention to what makes you grateful. An attitude of gratitude reminds you there is happiness, beauty, and joy. It’s an incredible gift to give back to yourself.

Get creative! Sing, dance, write a poem, paint a picture or knit a scarf. Do all the things you wanted to try, or used to love. You don’t have to be an expert to reap the health benefits of plugging into your true self. 

4. Eat Soul Food, or Serotonin Foods

Serotonin is your happy hormone. It improves your mood, your digestion, boosts your brain’s function, and helps you sleep better. This is awesome news because depression, upset stomachs, brain fog, and insomnia are all common side effects of going through a breakup.

Add to the shopping list some foods that help your body create more serotonin such as turkey, bananas, yogurt, eggs, nuts, and beans. Check out this list for added ideas!

Bonus tip! Don’t close the shades and sink under the covers.  As tempting as it can be to hide away, your body and mental state need that Vitamin D from the sun. This is a real phenomenon- those living in cities or areas who don’t see the sun as often need to take vitamin supplements to keep depression at bay. However, if the sun isn’t shining you can get a light therapy box. These handy dandy contraptions also help you fight off the winter blues!

5. Block, Don’t Stalk

This might be the hardest tip on the list to put into practice, but it’s the most necessary. Ever hear the saying, “Out of sight, out of mind”? Well, it’s true! This means:

• No scrolling through his social media feeds
• Unfollowing his accounts and his friend’s accounts
• No calling, no texting, no smoke signals
• No visiting places he lives or works

Block his socials and his number - without telling him about it. This is not a mean thing to do, it upholds your sanity. You’re kindly removing temptations from your fingertips which means you get better, faster.

Get rid of reminders of him.  Things you bought when you were with him or cards, photos, and letters.  If you can’t immediately throw the stuff in the nearest dumpster or re-gift it to someone, ask a friend to store a small box of the stuff in the back of their closet, likely never to be seen again, rightfully so.

6. Get Out of Your Head

When you find yourself thinking over a memory of your ex, press pause! Restart the memory from the viewpoint of someone else. This gives you an objective view of what went down.

Psychologists refer to this as “self-distancing”, viewing the memory as a third person, not an active participant. People always claim how difficult it is to see the reality of a situation when you are face to face with it, and this way of thinking allows you to step back and reanalyze.

Self-distancing is healthier than getting “self-immersed”, meaning you get hyper-focused on every word, every detail, every hindsight.

Here are some more coping ideas to calm your mind.

7. Understand You Are Enough

After a breakup you feel empty, some people even describe feeling like “nothing”. It’s a cruel thought that is not true, what you need to help you heal is already inside you.

Your body is an incredible machine that feeds your brain hormones and chemicals engineered to make you feel good. You can pump up your natural dopamine for energy, optimism, focus, and motivation, plus endorphins to ease the pain. 
 
Triggering the release of endorphins takes away some of the physical pain you’re feeling. That’s right, the pain is not all in your head but also manifests in physical pain, too. When your brain processes a breakup, it reacts the same way as if it was processing an injury.  

Endorphins have a pain-killing effect on your body, reduce anxiety, and make you feel a sense of calm and optimism. Although your body consistently produces these helpful chemicals, exercise is the cheat code in producing even more.

Final Thoughts

As you can see, most of these science-backed break-up steps are all focused on YOU. Keeping the gaze centered on self-love, reflection, and healing is essential for putting yourself in alignment for future relationships and goals. 

When matters get hard, rely on a caring group of friends or family who make you feel loved unconditionally and remind you how amazing you are. Practice ways to be healthy and feel happy.  Find what you are grateful for right now, and be open to all the incredible experiences still to come.

When times get tough, remember these facts- it’s just science!