How To Know When It’s Time To Breakup
It used to be great at first. You’d wake up in the morning and the first thing you’d think of was your lover. You’d place a call and the sound of their voice would make your toes curl in glee. You’d both plan on hanging out later in the evening at a fancy restaurant
But now? Everything seems to be spiraling out of control. You read their ‘I love you’ texts, and feel somewhat guilty that your toes don’t curl. You can’t place why you feel this way, but you’re now thinking of taking a break?
Relationships have their ups and downs, but knowing when to put a lid on it is necessary, and for your own good, too. While being in love is important, it is not enough to build a long-lasting relationship.
Below are ‘red flags’ that show you that it’s time to put that relationship to rest, and move on with your life.
When they constantly make you feel stupid
If you constantly feel like crap around your partner, it’s time to hit the buzzer on the relationship. Narcissistic partners usually do this, frequently make fun of you in a bad way.
In some cases, they belittle you in the presence of mutual friends and folks. Even when they’ve wronged you, and you confront them, they always justify their actions. In most cases, they never apologize.
Does your opinion matter in deciding a vital issue in your relationship? Do they hijack your opinions to make it theirs?
These are important questions to ask yourself. Your self-esteem and worth hang in the balance. When you’re dating a narcissist, these are common occurrences you’d experience. If they always make out your factual opinions to be wrong and put you down--whether in public or private, you should call it quits.
When they’re bored
In the beginning, they didn’t have to reassure you that they love you. It was palpable and you could feel it, and it made you feel good. The mere sight of you made your partner’s lips widen into a smile. It ignited excitement and longing from you and you can’t wait to see and be with your partner when you’re not together.
But now, it seems the flame in their eyes has disappeared. These days, they spend more time pressing their smartphones than talking with you. You don’t intrigue your partner anymore, and you don’t even feel excited about seeing them.
While this might not be enough to call it off, it is important to let them know how you’re feeling. And if they don’t make the effort to change, why should you bother being them?
When they make you do things you don’t want to do
Your personal values and integrity shape who you are. And if they are constantly compromised on the altar of “being in a relationship”, then you call it quits. It most likely starts off as a little request. When you give in, that little request multiplies into something that cripples who you are. These are traits of a manipulative lover.
Authors, Julie Fishman and Meagan McCrary say “It could be that he refuses to go with you on group outings with your friends. One of the tell-tale signs that he’s slowly cutting you off from your friends is his readiness to bad-mouth them.”
If your partner forces you to stay away from your friends and folks. Or you engage in a certain activity just to please your lover, that’s an indicator to pull the plug.
When the communication feels strained
If you and your partner do not communicate like you used to, it’s a terrible sign that could signal the end of the relationship. You're not superheroes with psychic abilities to read minds. You have to communicate
Rachael DeAlto, a relationship expert, says
Communication is so essential to a relationship, that the lack thereof can be a sign that the relationship is on its way out. Are either of you no longer talking about issues or communicating about things that bother you? That's a huge sign that one of you has checked out.
Communication is a major foundation of a solid and healthy relationship. If you can’t talk with your partner because you feel they’ll ignore you, it’s better to end it.
When your needs aren’t met
Everyone has a specific need they want their partners to fulfill. It could range from wanting to spend quality time with your partner. Or expecting them to express themselves when hurt, or managing finances better. A healthy relationship is one when your desires, wants and needs are being met.
It is necessary to voice out your concerns to your partner. And if it doesn’t change after that, you should move on. You may feel tempted to stay put because you may never find someone better than your current partner. That will lead to a life of unhappiness if you do.
When you experience constant mood swings from your partner
One minute, your partner is all lovey-dovey, sensitive to your concerns, the next, they ignore you and pay no attention to your concerns. You’ll begin to feel a pang of pain deep in your gut.
Psychotherapist, Amy Lewis Bear, says
Moody and manipulative partners will likely continue their controlling behavior unless their partners issue an ultimatum and follow through on the consequences. It’s not healthy for either partner to keep relating to each other in dysfunctional and hurtful ways.
If you’re in a relationship where you feel insecure, confused, frustrated, or even depressed due to your partner’s mood swings, it’s time to free yourself from that bondage.
When you daydream about being single or hooking up with someone else
When you begin to daydream about being single or being in the arms of another, it’s a clear indicator to leave.
Rachel DeAlto says
If you start daydreaming about other people, imagining your life as a single human, and fantasizing about the next person you want to date, your relationship is basically over. You have already started to emotionally detach.
If you’re always thinking about being single or envision a future with someone else, then you should make the move to break up.
When you seek those needs from someone else
When you run into problems, the first person to run to should be your partner. That is if your relationship is healthy.
If that’s not the case, there’s a problem somewhere. It is great to have trusted friends and colleagues. But none of them is more important than who you’re spending your life with.
When you start finding solace in the arms of a friend instead of your lover, your relationship has outlived its purpose. And this can go both ways. If your partner enjoys physical interaction with someone else, even more than you, it’s an indicator to breakup.
When your partner is manipulative
If your partner is manipulative to a fault, you shouldn’t hesitate to cuff out from them. Manipulative partners take advantage of you, play some mind games, and make you feel guilty every time.
Manipulative partners are always fond of knowing what’s best for the relationship without paying attention to your opinions. They’d also want to know where you are and who you’re with at all times. In some cases, they may have access to your social media accounts just to check who you’re chatting with.
If your partner exhibits any of these traits, they’re controlling and manipulating you. And it’s time you left the relationship for good.
When your partner is abusive
If you’re stuck with an abusive partner, it’s to run away from the relationship. While it is possible for you to still be in love with an abusive partner, it is not healthy to remain in that relationship. Your physical, emotional, and mental health must always come first before anything else.
According to a survey, most women saw their abusive partners as highly dependable and affectionate. But that’s not enough if your sanity is constantly threatened every day.
It is important to love yourself enough to walk away from that toxic relationship before it gets out of hands. Abuse of any kind should not be tolerated.
When they’ve cheated
Cheating is a dealbreaker for most relationships. Then again, some people deal with the fact that their lovers cheated and built a formidable relationship afterward. But if you’re finding it hard to forgive and trust your partner after they cheated, take a walk.
When you’d rather spend time with someone else
It is totally normal for you to spend time with friends even if you're in a relationship. When you have to put a rain check on dates with your partner to be with someone else, you should decide if you still want to be in that relationship.
This is also a two-way street. If your partner frequently makes excuses to be with you, chances are they’re spending with someone else. In that case, it’s time you both said your goodbyes and move on with your life.
When your friends and folks don’t support the relationship
If your friends and family are constantly warning you about your relationship, you should consider why. Your close friends and folks want the best for you at all times and want to see you happy.
Dating coach, Lindsay Chrisler says you should consider how your close friends and folks feel about your relationship.
“If nobody in the community supports your relationship, that’s a red flag. If the people who love and support you see that the person you’re in love with isn’t making you happy, it’s a good idea to listen to their opinions.
Then again, if you have to lie to your folks about your relationship, it’s another red flag that you need to pull the plug. Also, if you have avoided listening to them by isolating yourself, that’s another bad sign. Take a step back and review your actions.
When you’ve outgrown each other
If you're not bothered about calling or texting your partner to ask about their day, you have outgrown each other. It is totally fine if you don’t call them every day. But when you don’t bother to ask about their wellbeing is a sign you’re in an unhealthy relationship. It means you are indifferent and no longer care about them.
If you have to wait for the other person to check on you before you text them, you’ve become strangers. A relationship is no place for strangers.
When you don’t like your partner anymore
You may ask “Is it possible to remain in a relationship with someone I don’t like?” The answer is a capital YES. Your love for the other person has waned, but you feel compelled to remain. This is mainly because you’ve invested too much time and resources on the relationship to see it fail.
Your gut tells you to move on, but you stay put. Because you can’t walk away even if you no longer love your partner. You just can’t. The bitter truth is that staying put and investing more time will not change anything if you’ve fallen out of love. For your sake, walk away.
When there’s no desire to have sex
Maintaining a healthy sex life is integral in sustaining a relationship. If the sex used to be amazing but now feels repetitive with one of you losing the desire to engage, you should talk about it. Seeing a sex therapist is also recommended. But if that doesn’t change anything, you should break up and move on.
Breaking up with someone you’ve spent part of your life with is difficult. But if any of these signs are evident in your relationship, you should make the touch choice of moving on.
When your relationship is only one-sided
For a relationship to work and stay healthy, both parties have to put in the effort. This means the calls, texts, attention and everything in between must be matched by both persons.
If you are the one doing the heavy lifting in your relationship reaching out, planning dates, spending, offering emotional support, without the gesture reciprocated, it’s time to get out of that relationship. It is no longer a relationship when one person is the major, and in some cases, the only player.
When you maintain an on-and-off relationship
It’s a red flag if you keep splitting with your partner one minute and patching things up the next. You think each time you get back together, it will be different.
But it isn’t. The same old issues come up, and you have the same fights again.
Perhaps, the reason you keep breaking up and coming together isn’t reconcilable. It may be time for you to end the relationship and walk away forever.
