The Position You Cuddle In Says So Much About Your Relationship
Everyone knows that body language plays a huge role in the quality of any relationship - and the cuddling position you and your partner prefer is no exception. Whether you enjoy falling asleep entangled in each other’s arms, with your backs against one another, or you favor no touching at all, research has shown that the way a couple chooses to spend their night together reveals a lot about their relationship and personality.
In fact, according to body language expert Traci Brown, 50-70% of communication is devoted to our non-verbal cues, like cuddling. It’s important to understand the meaning behind them as they could provide information about a partner’s feelings toward you.
Some people avoid certain positions because of a partner’s chronic snoring, or they simply prefer not waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat. If you fall into that particular category, then don’t worry. There are always exceptions when examining body language, so it doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is on the brink of separation.
However, if your partner suddenly changes how they sleep during the night, then you can use these 10 cuddling positions to reveal how your partner thinks and feels about you:
1. The Honeymoon
This entangled position is especially common for newer couples. When sleeping in a hug-like cuddle, you and your partner can’t get enough of each other! It demonstrates passionate feelings in your relationship and feeling like your lives are intertwined.
If your relationship has matured, sleeping in this cuddle position could be a negative sign of codependency. According to psychotherapist Elizabeth Flynn- Campbell, a couple “could be overly enmeshed [and] too dependent on each other to sleep apart.”
2. The Little Spoon
Those who prefer being the little spoon at night are subconsciously telling their partner that they feel safe and secure with them. Body language expert Patti Wood says that because this position involves being enveloped by your partner, it requires a sense of trust and vulnerability. Wood also calls this position a very sensual placement due to its *intimate* nature.
3. The Big Spoon
In this cuddling position, you are showing your desire to look after your partner. It might also reveal that you’re a little possessive. So, make sure to watch out for any signs of jealousy.
According to a study done by relationship psychologist Corrine Sweet, 18% of couples spoon when they go to sleep. Sweet says this position creates “a dynamic in which one partner takes a protective stance over the other.”
4. The Loose Spoon
When you and your partner have surpassed the honeymoon phase, it’s normal to want to sleep in a position that results in the best quality sleep, says Paul Rosenblatt, author of Two in a Bed: The Social System of Couple Bed Sharing. It’s not as intimate as spooning, but sleeping with a couple of inches apart shows that you’re comfortable with your relationship. It also denotes a sense of reliance on one another while still respecting each other’s space.
5. Back-to-Back
If you sleep in opposite directions with your backs touching, then you and your partner are confident and independent but still desire sexual intimacy, says Wood. This is the perfect position for free-spirits who wish to stay romantically tied to their partner.
Rosenblatt says it’s normal for couples to sleep in opposite directions to avoid face-to-face breathing. It doesn’t mean you’re annoyed with your partner, but you could be annoyed by their snoring.
6. The Strong Hold
This cuddling position strengthens comradeship and protection, says psychologist Shirley Glass. When a partner wraps their arm around you, they are revealing their need to protect you. If you find yourself placing your head on a loved one’s shoulder or chest, then this means you depend on them, especially when lying in a fetal position.
On the other hand, if your body is sprawled out, then it could be a sign that you prefer to maintain some independence from your protective partner. Overall, Wood says that sleeping in this manner shows trust for one another.
7. Opposite Sides
Sex expert Tracey Cox calls this the “pre-divorce” or “pre-argument” position.
If you and your partner typically sleep embracing one another at night, then a sudden change to sleeping on opposite sides of the bed may reveal trouble in your relationship.
While it may be indicative of independent partners, this position could also represent a desire for more space in the relationship. If this is the case, then take it as a sign that something needs to be repaired to reestablish mutual trust and understanding.
But sleeping on opposite sides of the bed isn’t always a red flag. If your partner tends to kick or move around too much in their sleep, then this position makes sense for those who want to have minimal interruptions during the night. Moreover, sometimes partners begin their slumber in a loving cradle before ending up on opposite sides due to comfort. This, too, shouldn’t give you any reason to worry as this sleeping behavior is normal for long-term couples.
8. The Footsie
According to body language expert Traci Brown, our feet tend to point in the direction of who (or what) we want. So, with your legs tangled up, you are showing your need for more intimacy.
This sleeping position is typically displayed in long-term couples who desire more comfort during their rest but still wish to send a signal of intimacy to their partner.
9. The Space Hogger
Selfish people tend to bring their inconsiderate habits to the bedroom, as well. Be careful if your partner assumes a sleeping position that takes up space and leaves less room for you. If one feels like they maintain a submissive role to a more dominant partner, then it could be a sign of a toxic relationship, says Sweet.
The distance that lies between your head and the headboard can also signify different personality traits embodied between a couple. According to Wood, those who sleep closer to the headboard tend to be more confident, and those who sleep further away usually exhibit lower self-esteem. However, couples who sleep at eye-level with one another have a more harmonious relationship.
10. The Runner and Chaser
Be wary if you and your partner demonstrate this modified version of spooning at night. It could be indicative of a “chaser and runner” dynamic in the relationship.
If one retreats to the other side of the bed and the other follows behind in pursuit of them, then it could mean that the retreating partner is playing hard to get. This is a bad sign as it could entail a toxic relationship.
Or, according to Rosenblatt, it could just represent a partner in need of more space.
Conclusion
Ultimately, the cuddling position you and your partner display at night can be very telling of the quality of your relationship. Not only does your preferred position reveal different personality traits, but it can also include signs of a healthy or toxic partnership.
Regardless, what matters most is whether or not you and your significant other are comfortable. Just because you enjoy sleeping with a little bit of space between the two of you does not mean your relationship is heading toward a breakup. As long as you continue to maintain healthy communication and intimacy with your partner, it shouldn’t matter how you choose to spend your night together.
