5 Reasons Why Men End Relationships – Only To Come Crawling Back Again
Painful as it is, he said goodbye and walked out of your life. You are resigned to a reality of giving the ‘ex’ tag to a man you’ve once planned to spend your future with.
He leaves you heartbroken and in pain, and you fight every urge not to fall apart. But just when you pull yourself together and put the painful memory aside, guess who shows up asking for your forgiveness?
Breakups are particularly difficult for the parties involved. But it gets really confusing when an ex who initiated the breakup comes running back, professing love and asking for a do-over.
It is enough reason to question his motives for doing so.
Most women feel their ex-boyfriends come back to them because they still love and miss them. They believe that accepting and forgiving him may lead to a better partnership in the future.
But this isn’t usually the case.
Why do men come back? Are the reasons genuine, or manipulative? Figuring out the reason why he’s back again is an important process in deciding whether you should warm up to him once again or not.
Here are 5 major reasons why men end relationships only to come back:
1. He wants you back because he’s single again
Most men crawl back to their exes because of the fear of being single again. It’s an immature reason that plays out many times. This can be further broken down into these factors:
His new relationship ended abruptly. Most men end relationships because they want to jump into the next. Your ex may have ended things with you because he was planning to get into another union he had considered would be better than what you had with him.
Maybe he did, and the new relationship—regrettably—didn’t go as he planned. Now, he’s single again and wants you back in his life. Not only is this super toxic, but you’ll end up hurt when he finds another ‘replacement’ and walks out of your life again.
No one wants to be with him. This usually happens when you live in a small town with your ex, and everyone knows you were both in a relationship. He may have broken up with you because he wants to enjoy the thrill of ‘hunting’ a new girl.
Due to his cheesy and outgoing nature, he must’ve banked on getting another girl as soon as possible. But bad news travels fast, and no lady wants to be anywhere near him. He soon realizes that getting a new girl is not as easy as he thought.
When his search all ends in futility, he realizes you’re the best and available option right now for him. And he tries his best to slither his way back into your life.
He’s lonely. Another common understanding of why he may be coming back is as a result of loneliness. When he ended the relationship, he’d planned to enjoy and cherish being single again. But loneliness creeps in and he’s now reminded that being with you is better than being alone. And he’s coming back to fix all that.
He’s bored. It’s difficult to imagine but the reason why he may be crawling back to you is that he’s bored without you. This is also a toxic reason to accept him back because there’s a high possibility that he will walk out of your life again because he's bored of being with you. When an ex comes running without describing what he really misses about you, he just wants you to fill a void
None of these factors are good reasons to open your arms to him when he wants to get into your life.
2. He wants control
While there are good men who walked out of relationships, we cannot neglect that there are also toxic, controlling men in the mix, too. And because these men have gotten so used to being in control, they may devise different means to make acceptance seem appealing even after initiating a bitter breakup.
This usually manifests in these factors:
He’s jealous you’re living your best life. When an ex desperately wants to be in your life, it could be the simple reason that he’s jealous you have moved on without him. Toxic exes do not like the mere fact that, after a breakup, you’ve moved on so well that you’re now completely happy without his influence.
He must’ve seen your posts and pictures on social media, and he’s green with envy. He wants to be the center of your world and the source of your happiness. He would do anything to make it a reality. That would require him to ask to be in your life.
His dominance over you has declined. One thing that is common with control freaks is they want to always be in control. When a relationship with a control freak is done, he would likely crawl his back after seeing that his control over you has reduced.
If you’re not careful, you may fall for his whims. According to Narcissism Expert, Dr Tony Ferreti, these sorts of men know just the right thing to say and do to get you to forgive and accept them. If your ex was manipulative and controlling, chances are he may be coming back to regain control over you.
He doesn’t want you to move on. Exes who are control freaks have a god complex. According to the National Institute of Health, 6.2% of adults are afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This makes them believe they are the best you’ll ever get involved with.
The shocker comes in when they realize you are planning to be in a new relationship or doing even better than he would have envisaged. So, he would find a way to waltz back to you. He will hide under the guise of genuine love while pushing his secret agenda. He’s only coming back because he doesn’t want you to move on with your life.
Whatever the case, it is a bad idea to let him into your heart.
3. He’s coming back for the sex
Another reason an ex might be coming back is because of the sex. It's a crazy and toxic reason to start with. Research published on Science Direct reveals that exes with darker personality traits tend to remain because of sex.
This can be further broken down into these factors:
He wants to keep you as a backup sexual partner. Your ex, after breaking up with you, must’ve moved into another relationship with someone that is massaging his huge ego. But that isn’t enough for him.
Because of his past influence in your relationship, he still sees you as a backup girlfriend or just someone to fall back to for the sex when his relationship begins to crumble. So, he’ll approach you with the suggestion of being friends first—because he’s going to get close to you that way. When you accept, and at the slightest realization that your guard is down, he will make the move on you.
He wants to maintain a love triangle. Self-absorbed exes love attention, and they will get it from anyone including someone they had ended their relationship with. Most times, when they want to be a part of your life, it isn’t because he wants to even keep you as a backup partner.
Narcissistic Abuse Expert, Shahida Arabi, divulges that narcissistic exes may come back for the sole reason of including you to his harem of past exes that he can casually hook up with anytime.
He wants just the emotional attachment you provide. Physical attraction and connection are usually the first thing that falls apart when a relationship has gone sour. Because we are all unique beings, our experiences and closeness are felt differently.
This is what a toxic ex would quickly notice, and he knows the only way he’s ever going to get what he wants is if he comes running back to you. This is particularly harmful because at the inkling of someone else offering that attachment that you do, he will walk out again, leaving you heartbroken.
4. He’s coming back because he misses what you provide
Most unhealthy relationships are usually set up with one party enjoying support and love without reciprocating. When such relationships crash, an ex may crawl his way back, because of those things you provided. These are the things he was getting unrestricted access to when the going was smooth.
Researchers Mogliski and Welling revealed that people with psychopathic behaviors hang around their exes not only for sex but to gain access to their resources.
This usually pans out in these ways:
He’s coming back for a quick financial fix. People in relationships enjoy financial assistance from each other. But some relationships aren’t exactly healthy. In some cases, the boyfriend or man would be a leech, always receiving and coming up with flimsy excuses whenever he is supposed to rise to the occasion to provide.
Hence, the women in these relationships, become, by social construct, breadwinners. He exploits this vulnerability, and walks away when he’s had his fill. Later, when he runs into financial difficulty and no one else renders support he needs, he’ll come running back.
If your ex was parasitic in nature, the only reason he may be coming back is that he wants to begin that leeching cycle all over again. Even if you don’t end up being lovers, he will likely maintain a friendship with you and formulate a plan to finesse what he needs from you.
He’s back because of the social security. Most men enjoy the ease of life due to their partner’s resources and connections. While the relationship lasted, they had unhindered access to these resources. When the relationship has gone sour, he soon realizes that his access has been totally cut off.
He looks elsewhere for those kinds of connections but ends up with nothing. He realizes that he has no other choice but to manipulate his way into his ex’s life, just for the sake of tapping into those resources. If that's the only reason he’s back, you will get dumped again.
5. He is back because he genuinely wants you back
There’s a saying that goes “everyone deserves a second chance to be and do better”. Apart from the manipulative, controlling, and toxic exes we have discussed above, there are actually good exes out there who made hasty decisions to walk away. They realize their mistakes and come running back
The signs are particularly distinct from the others we’ve discussed.
When he contacts you for the most random reasons. When an ex begins to contact you for random reasons like where to shop for a particular item or a recipe for a meal—things that an internet search will find—he still loves you and is trying desperately to come back to you. Plus, he trusts your opinions and judgment.
When these random conversations and requests become recurrent, there’s a high possibility that he will ask you to forgive him.
If he’s taking responsibility for his actions. There’s no one braver than an ex who is ready to take responsibility and blame for his actions that led to the end of the relationship.
An ex who genuinely wants you back would apologize sincerely while taking responsibility for his actions, and willing to make amends going forward. When your ex starts sending apology cards, letters and text, do not be too quick to push him away.
When he begins to show genuine emotions. An ex who really wants to be part of your life again for genuine reasons will deliberately make efforts to make you see how sorry he is for hurting you.
This could mean sending flowers to your doorstep, talking to your mutual friends, or making a public or private apology. It takes someone who genuinely cares about you to express himself this way.
Whatever the case, you need to know why he ended the relationship with you in the first place before accepting him into your heart and life.
When your ex comes begging for your forgiveness, you deserve to know the intent behind it. Does he care about you? Is this a part of a plan to control and manipulate you?
Most importantly, you need to ask yourself: is it going to be any better this time?
