Relationships

Quiz: Who’s The Toxic One In The Relationship: You Or Your Partner?

Quiz Who’s The Toxic One In The Relationship

It’s hard to admit but relationships can be tough. At first, your thoughts aligned with your partner’s. A couple of weeks or months roll in, and you begin to feel something is up. The relationship is veering off course. You feel like you’re stuck in this emotional roller coaster. Cheerful and at peace one minute, depressed and worn out the next.

Yes, relationships have their ups and downs. But there’s a very thin, even blurred line between when your relationship is facing the usual problems and when it is full-blown toxic.

A toxic relationship is one where one or both partners abuse the other person. And it's done psychologically and even physically on a frequent basis.

The weird part of it all is that it can be very difficult to determine if you’re in a toxic relationship. It is not easily spotted at first. Slowly, it begins to sap the vitality and happiness out of the relationship. Even worse, you may not know who is manifesting toxicity between you two.

According to relationship expert, Susan Winter, “Awareness is the first step in making any sort of change. Once we’re able to be honest with ourselves and admit our shortcomings, then we’re one step closer to our recovery of wholeness and emotional health.”

If you are wondering if you or partner is toxic in the relationship, take this quiz to find out:

1. Who is controlling in the relationship?

You

If you always have to exert dominance over your partner, it is safe to deduce that you are toxic. This could mean always choosing spots to hang out. Or teasing them even when they feel uncomfortable. It can even mean isolating them from their friends and folks or preventing them from doing what they find pleasure in.

Your partner

If these sorts of domineering traits are coming from your partner, then they’re toxic. And this could also mean steering your decisions to always favor their personal interests. Does your partner belittle your long-held beliefs, political views, or faith? Are they always quick to criticize? The answer is evident.

2. Who doesn’t respect the other person’s privacy?

You

Who doesn’t respect the other person’s privacy
Who doesn’t respect the other person’s privacy

There are lines you don’t cross in a relationship. Respecting your partner’s privacy is one of them. But when you constantly intrude on their personal space (without their permission), that’s a toxic habit.

Going through your partner’s phone, reading their emails, and stalking them everywhere is a terrible behavior. Certified money coach, Emily Bouchard says “[snooping] erodes the core foundations of love and trust that support a relationship in being solid. The moment you snoop, you become untrustworthy.”

If you feel your partner is being secretive, it is better to talk to them about it.

Your partner

Who doesn’t respect the other person’s privacy
Who doesn’t respect the other person’s privacy

If your partner is fond of going through your stuff without your permission, they’re toxic. There are grey no areas to this. Simple actions like reading your text messages, or snooping around your social media accounts is toxic.

3. Whose needs are the only ones that matter?

Yours

It is okay to want things to go your way. But when do you draw the line and set boundaries? When it becomes ‘my way or the highway’ every time with your partner, then you’re exhibiting toxic traits. It is difficult to admit, but if you feel your needs always come first before your partner’s, then there’s a problem.

Your partner’s

If your partner always puts their needs before yours, they’re demonstrating toxic behavior. For a relationship to remain healthy, both parties should be considerate. It is no longer healthy if your lover begins to force your hand all the time. Your partner is toxic if they’re blind to your own concerns.

4. Who is always pulling the ‘breakup card’ during fights?

You

Fights are bound to happen in relationships. But when you can’t help but threaten to break up with your partner, that’s a toxic habit.

Certified psychologist, Stan Tatkin, says “People use threats as a way to get their partner in line. People should never threaten the relationship unless they intend to get out. It’s only valid if you mean it and do it. Otherwise, it just damages the safety and security of the relationship.”

Instead of pulling the breakup card to get your way, talk calmly to your partner.

Your partner

If your partner always threatens to end the relationship, they’re toxic. Threats of quitting the relationship aren’t going to solve the problems that caused the fight. It is only a way to cage you. And no one should live like that.

5. Who is hot-headed?

You

Who is hot-headed
Who is hot-headed

Are you always snapping at your partner at the slightest provocation? One wrong statement and you’re all in their faces? That’s a sign of toxicity. Oftentimes, you may not mean to react that way. But when your partner feels like they’re walking on eggshells with you, it’s a toxic sign. 

Your partner

Who is hot-headed
Who is hot-headed

Is your partner fond of raising their voice at you, even during a minor disagreement? Yelling is a form of exerting psychological control over you. It’s one thing for your partner to be mad at something you did. It’s another thing to blow hot and start blurting out nasty remarks all the time. If it’s more of the latter happening, your partner is displaying toxic habits. 

6. Main reason behind your fights?

You get jealous

It’s okay to be jealous when you’re in a relationship. It becomes a problem when it becomes overactive and spurs into a fight every time. And that is toxic. Do you think they’re being flirtatious with another person online and offline? It is better to discuss this with your partner, and get all the reassurance you need.

Your partner gets jealous

If the main cause of all your fights is because your partner is jealous, it’s a problem.

Clinical psychologist, Andrea Bonior, says “[it starts as a] sign of how much they care or how attached they are. When it becomes more intense, however, it can be scary and possessive. Additionally, when this perspective becomes ingrained within your relationship, they very likely are attempting to be controlling as well.”

A controlling partner is a toxic partner. There’s no sugarcoating it.

We have different opinions on certain issues

Diversity is the spice of life. But it becomes the reason for your constant fights, it’s borderline toxic. You and your partner have to respect each other’s opinions without fighting about it.

We keep dealing with problems of the past 

Unresolved issues always find their way back, whether you like it or not. And if this is the case, it is recommended to sit down, rationally explore these issues and resolve them. It is even better to engage in couples’ therapy.

7. How do you resolve a fight?

I almost always apologize

Saying you’re sorry is a mature thing to do. But if you’re the one always doing it when the argument gets heated, your partner could be toxic. Making apologies when you’re not the cause of the fight is a sign you’re controlled. It hardly crosses the mind of a toxic partner to apologize after a fight.

It’s a mind game to keep you controlled. And that means you’re stuck with a toxic partner. Then again, hurting your partner and apologizing only to hurt them again is a toxic trait.

My partner always apologizes

It’s one thing for your partner to apologize for hurting you. It’s another thing for them to apologize to diffuse a heated situation. If your partner always deploys the latter on a regular basis, you could well be the toxic partner.

But if your partner apologizes for a wrong but never changes, they are preying on your emotions. And that’s toxic.

8. Who is abusive (physically, emotionally) during a fight?

You

You don’t have to physically punch your partner before it’s considered abusive. Actions such as using a piece of information they shared in secrecy to abuse them is terrible. It is not okay to hit, slap, punch your partner during a fight, even if you feel you need to. There’s no excuse for abuse of any kind in a relationship.

Your partner

Who is abusive (physically, emotionally) during a fight
Who is abusive (physically, emotionally) during a fight

If your partner resorts to hitting or cussing you to pass a point, they’re toxic. Seth Meyers, a licensed clinical psychologist and TV host, says “Allowing for any circumstances in which slapping or other types of physical violence is okay is a serious problem that threatens your own emotional stability, as well as the stability of your romantic relationship.”

Again, there’s no excuse for abuse.

You both are

If you both engage in a cursing tirade or throw blows during arguments, you’re both toxic. Meyers says “Should you ever find yourself slapping or getting slapped by a partner — even just once — your relationship is in major trouble, and possibly beyond repair. Violence is one of the ugliest colors of human nature, and engaging in any violence at all often begets further violence.”

It is not okay to resort to violence of any kind. It is even better to quit the relationship now that you can.

9. Who is emotionally withdrawn?

You

You and your partner are meant to stick together through the good and bad days. You. But when you’re withdrawn from your partner at their toughest time, it is manipulative and toxic. If you can tell your partner needs encouragement, but you’re not giving it, you’re the toxic one in the relationship.

Your partner

You’ve had a rough day, and told your partner about it. You’re searching for affection in their words, but they’re indifferent. They act like they don’t care. This is the behavior of a toxic partner.

10. Who is more hesitant to speak on issues?

You

Being in a relationship accords you the opportunity to speak freely with your partner. But if you find yourself shying away from communicating to avoid conflict, you could be dealing with a toxic partner. Maybe your partner gets defensive or angry when you bring up issues, and now you don’t.

Your partner

Likewise, if your partner is always scared of talking to you because of how you’d react, you are likely the toxic partner. If they have to bottle their emotions around you, that’s a huge problem that needs fixing.

A toxic relationship isn’t clear. But when you ask these questions and genuinely answer them, you’d not only identify if you’ve been toxic but take steps to make amends.