4 Reasons He’s Starting To Pull Away From Your ‘Almost’ Relationship
It typically starts like this: You meet a guy at a fancy social gathering and both of you hit it off. He calls the next day and asks to hang out. You don’t want to but he’s cute and asked nicely, so you oblige. The dinner is amazing. Both of you exchange laughter and long intense stares.
You go on several dates together—as friends of course. But deep down, you feel it coming. The butterflies in your belly are already dancing. You’re sure he’s going to ask you out for real. And you can’t wait to say yes.
Then one day, you don’t wake up to a ‘good morning’ text from him. You shrug off the little disappointment and send him a message instead. But he doesn’t respond. You’re annoyed and you want him to know how you feel. You place a call and after several rings, he answers. He doesn’t sound as animated as he used to. And even when you try your best to lighten the mood, he doesn’t bulge.
The worst part? He doesn’t call you after that.
If you’ve ever had to experience something like this, know that you’re not alone. It can be frustrating to see men behave this way. Warm their way into your heart one minute and go cold on you the next. Then again, it is important to know why they do so.
Here are 4 reasons he’s pulling away from the ‘almost’ relationship.
1. He’s scared
One of the reasons men back out of an ‘almost’ relationship is because they’re afraid. It’s weird when you begin to think about it. But it does happen: men get scared, too. In this case, he's scared of the following:
He’s scared of getting hurt
When a man begins to pull away before saying the three magic words, he may be scared of getting hurt. Clinical Psychologist, Diana Kirschner, says “If a man had an erratic or manipulative mother and a history of being cheated on, used or disappointed by women, he may have major trust issues when it comes to making a commitment.”
Some men in a similar position will vow never to feel that hurt again. Never to be vulnerable, manipulated, or exploited by a woman. By so doing, at the hint of a budding relationship, they will back away.
This sort of fear can arise when a man is finding difficulty in releasing himself from a bad split. Or when he’s battling with an ex-lover who gets custody over the kids. So, when they get another shot at seeking genuine happiness, they’re reminded of past hurts. Thus, backing out from an ‘almost’ relationship is a defense mechanism for them.
He may come out to say he doesn’t believe in love. If you’ve heard this line before, well, now you know what caused it.
He’s scared of the commitment
A relationship is a game of commitment. It means both people must be emotionally and physically available for each other. This means spending quality time together, visiting places, going to theaters, hanging out with mutual friends, and whatnot. When a man begins to draw back, he isn’t ready to handle the commitment that comes with being in a relationship.
Diana Kirschner says “This particular fear can make it very difficult to move forward into a committed relationship with a partner, no matter how terrific she is. At his core, this type of man is terrified that he can’t give a woman what she deserves or needs. His anxiety can be magnified if he is really smitten with her—so the more he is into her, the faster he thinks he will fail in some irretrievable way.”
This mostly plays out in diverse ways. Then, you wonder if you did something wrong. Now, you know better.
He’s overwhelmed by his emotions
Another reason why he's scared is that he’s overwhelmed by his emotions. For men who haven’t been in love before, it can be a surprising experience. They’re faced with a new kind of vulnerability and this can be consuming. The sheer thought that their heartstring is pulled by another person is often shocking for some men.
Psychologist and author, Barbara Markway, says “My own observation has been that many men experience intense emotions but, lacking the training and support to make sense of those feelings, they are left with few options but to bury them deeper. It's only when men are taken off guard that their feelings are free to surface.”
If a man suddenly pulls back on the verge of starting a relationship, it could be that he hasn’t fully processed what he’s going through at the moment.
2. He is a player
Another reason why men pull out from almost relationships is that he’s a player. While there are good men out there, we can’t neglect the fact that there are bad men, too. Players move with an intent: make you feel special from day one, enjoying the thrill of the chase.
Some of them may write cheesy poems to make you blush hard and tickle your toes. You feel like you’re in the center of his world. And with the suddenness of a fired bullet, they will disappear from your life. Under this reason, there are several factors:
He hasn’t decided if you’re the one
A man who hasn’t decided if you’re the one will never fully commit himself to a relationship. But instead of coming out straight, he keeps you interested. You go out on several dates, but there’s no exclusivity to it. Even when you hang out with friends, he will never introduce you as ‘my girl’.
In other cases, he may even chicken out of date and cancel at the last minute. He never gives a convincing excuse for his absence. Men struggling with indecision may choose not to introduce you to anyone important in their lives.
Men, in this case, may be controlling. They’d want you to act a certain way around them. They’d expect you to not talk about your accomplishments. They'd want you to lower your expectations with them. They see your personal progress as a challenge to make them feel insecure.
A man who realizes he cannot control you will leave before it gets serious. He will keep searching and settle for a lady who is more complacent. You shouldn’t feel bad about that. You just dodged a bullet.
You’re an option
When you’re not a priority, you’re an option. It’s that simple. That typically means there are several ‘options’ available to him. This is particularly frustrating if you’re so into him. You’d find yourself turning good men down because you think he loves you.
While to him, you’re just ‘one of those girls’ under his love circle. Men who do this just enjoy the attention that comes with having multiple women under his control. They’re manipulation and exploitative, to say the least. They stuck around because you were providing something that others couldn’t.
Maybe quality friendship. It could be sex. Maybe because you were offering financial aid to him. And when he finds a woman who can provide all his many needs, he pulls back.
In this case, you should be thankful that he left for good. You should make the decision to never accept his friendship when he comes sneaking around again.
He can feel himself changing
Relationships tend to transform people. Men who enjoy and take pride in their masculinity see relationships as game-changers. As they constantly spend time with you, they realize they are becoming vulnerable. They feel huge pieces of their masculinity disappearing with every moment shared. This can be often troubling for them.
And since they’ve never felt this way before, their natural response will be to withdraw.
Some men who have remained independent all their lives will have issues with committing to a relationship. Independence comes with freedom. Lots of it. These men believe being in a relationship means sacrificing their freedom.
They believe they won’t be able to spend time with their male friends anymore. And if they can sense that seeming change, they begin to feel their life is being sapped away. And the first reaction will be to disappear literally and figuratively.
It doesn’t mean his feelings for you are dead. It’s a problem of relinquishing his personal freedom for a shared one with you.
3. There’s a lot going on
Another reason why he may be pulling back has nothing to do with you. It could be a lot of compounding issues happening all at once. This is often frustrating for men who are planning to get into relationships. When such issues occur, they take a back seat on the relationship to tackle them.
They won’t make any move until those issues are gone. Some of these issues include:
He’s dealing with personal issues
When a man is pulling away from an almost relationship, it could be as a result of personal stresses in his life. Maybe he’s dealing with a horrible boss at work. Maybe his family is divided and he’s working hard to pull them together. Maybe he just suffered a terrible loss.
When these issues occur, he begins to worry. He feels he’s too much emotional baggage and scares you off. So, he takes the easy way out by distancing himself entirely. Also, when men run into a financial crisis, they no longer feel confident. This could influence a decision to back away from the relationship.
He isn’t where he needs to be
He may be pulling back because he hasn’t made enough space for you in his life yet. Career-driven and ambitious men have to-do lists. They’d want to make a certain income. Or climb up the social and corporate ladder, and become more successful in life. He feels these things need to be accomplished before starting a relationship.
Basically, the prospects of a relationship are not in his personal timeline. And even though he loves you, he feels the moment is not the best time to.
4. He doesn’t feel the same way
Another reason why he’s starting to pull away is that he isn’t into you. Now, that doesn’t mean you aren’t a great person. This could be an issue of personal interests and compatibility.
Maybe your political views aren’t aligned. Maybe both of you don’t share the same visions about life. Maybe he’s introverted while you’re more outdoorsy and sociable. A lot of maybes and greys areas here. He sees this could pose a lot of problems in the future and decides to back out.
Then again, it could be any of these reasons:
You made it too easy for him
Men love the thrill of the chase. They’d want to experience a form of resistance that spurs them even more. They’d want to make a point by giving you unlimited attention. But then you begin to make it easy for him. You text him before he texts you.
You agree to go on a date almost quickly. It’s too good to be true for him. So, he begins to act cold towards you. But you still show that you’re available. He doesn’t see the relationship as a challenge anymore and pulls away. While this isn’t exactly your fault, you can’t excuse the fact that you may have caused this.
A man could be pulling away from an almost relationship due to several reasons. One thing you need to do is accept that it happened and move on with your life.
You were stalling for some reason
It’s hard to come to terms with. But another reason he retreated is that you kept him waiting. The idea of leaving singlehood may cause some women to be nervous. You take one look at him and wonder if he’s the one for you.
You’d feign some excuse to not hang out with him. You’d keep the chats strictly platonic. And even when he tried to brush the topic, even for a little bit, your replies threw off the scent. He must’ve interpreted it to mean you were not interested in him. So, he did what every guy in his shoes would. Walk away.